Dear Literary Loves,
Well, I did my civic duty yesterday and reported for jury duty. The panel I was assigned to waited and waited and waited. Finally, a clerk of court arrives to tell us the defendant's case we were being assigned to has accepted a plea and we are free to go for the day; however, we must all call in each night this week to see if we are needed on another jury for the next day's wild events at the courthouse. This explains why I'm back so early to my blog; I was sure I would get placed on a case that at least went the course of a week. So while waiting as a potential juror I began reading a literary agent's blog about why she passes on a manuscript. This proved interesting as I compared it to why I pass on a book or become highly disappointed in a book that I bought, but did not live up to its premise. Here is a list of the literary agent's reasons for passing on a potential manuscript:
Agent Passes On A Manuscript Because:
1) The writing was not all that great and the premise did not electrify her. (This proved interesting to me in that I think what great writing is depends on who you ask; it is quite subjective).
2) The agent likes the manuscript, but didn't fall in love with it or could not represent it to a publishing house with a passion. (Another interesting reason since I would think it would be how passionate the author is about the work and not necessarily his/her agent. I have met some agents who honestly, I think if Brad Pitt walked into their office, plopped himself down in front of their desk, and offered to write his memoir, would simply assign him a ghost writer and only get worked up because of the dollar signs he/she sees along with the concept, major celebrity).
3) According to one agent 90% of stories start in the wrong place. In other words, they take too long to get to the action or meat of the story. (I don't quite know about this because some of the authors the agent champions bored me so badly in the first five pages there is no way I could take the next five pages much less the whole book).
4) The book does not fit the genre that was pitched to the agent. (Hmmm, I've seen works that could be classified in two genres and I guess it would be quite regrettable if you pitched a book as thriller and it was romantic fantasy. Wait, does this really happen? Evidently). I would like to say though that I have never been in any English class in which we actually classified books according to genre; however, now that I think about it, that would be an entertaining class to teach now that I've seen what it is like to be a new writer thrown to the wolves of the traditional publishing world.
Why This Writer Passes On A Book Or Is Disappointed In A Book:
1) Vulgarity. Honestly folks, I have not been spending the usual amounts of discretionary spending money on books lately. One reason is I absolutely am not able to get past the prolific use of vulgarity. It just brings me down and it might be totally the nature of the character or writer, but alas, this is not something I am ever going to recommend. Ever. End of story.
2) I am not able to relate to what you are writing about or your main character. If I can't find some common ground with the main character or the writer is a highly conservative arrogant person, I am not going to bite. Ever. And no, getting me mad and upset will not make me buy your book. Okay?
3) The main character is too snarky. Truly, this just happened to me over the weekend. I bought a book by an author I had admired. This was like her seventh book to be published. She has become a successful author, but my how the voice in her books has changed. I liked her better when she had lost her job, been evicted from her apartment, and her car just died on the expressway. Now, she is ranting and raving and talking about driving this big car or that SUV. I was like, really dear? Who died and appointed you Queen?!
4) I just will not buy thriller or horror books. I know, I know; there are some really good thriller writers. Karin Slaughter is a good example and she lives here in Atlanta, but honestly, I did read one of her books and it scared the heebee jeebees out of me and I was reading it in the middle of the day and not while home alone on a dark rainy night. To each their own though.
5) The author or main character makes fun of southerners. Now if you really want to see me flying around on a broom with my hair on fire, just try insulting southerners or slighting them in any fashion. I will ban you from my library and any other libraries upon which I have influence. Are We Clear?!
6) The author's agent was rude to me as a new writer. This is serious folks. No lie. Over the weekend I picked up a memoir that normally I would be interested in, but I knew who the author's literary agent is. And she had been quite dismissive and unprofessional to me so I didn't buy the book. Impression matters people; take note!
7) The author has been a sour puss to me as a new writer. Honest to goodness, swear on my cat Romeo's life, this happened recently as well. I had a small publishing company that was ready to publish my memoir. I was so thrilled that you would have thought I had won the 600 million Powerball lottery. While I was filling out the publisher's author information form I noticed they wanted me to attempt to get some endorsements for the book by other authors in or near my genre. No problem! I looked up my top three authors, sent them a polite query, and it must have been a full moon the previous night. My absolute, very favorite author sent back a snarky email saying she didn't do endorsements for books by small publishers! And then she had the audacity to suggest that parts of my memoir could not possibly be true! I gasped loudly and wondered who took a whizz in her cornflakes this morning?! I was so utterly repulsed that I promptly took every book I had that she had written and donated them to a used bookstore. Seriously! The other two authors did not even bother to respond to my query. When did it become okay to be such an ass to one of your fellow sisters in writing my dear? I never buy any of her books and if I see one displayed, I promptly put another writer's work in front of her book. Touche, my dear, Touche.
Until Next Time Literary Loves! Carry On!
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