Dear Lit Loves,
Greetings! Today I am reviewing the book titled A Beginner's Guide To The End by Dr. BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger. The book held interest for me as I have always wanted a really good book about all the emotions, tasks, and revelations about the end of life. Unlike most people who would rather live in the dark about death or live in denial about it, I am one of those folks who would rather know what is coming and how to prepare. I was a bit skeptical about a doctor writing about the emotional aspects of death which is what I found most difficult when my father died four years ago. This book does do a fantastic job of giving you a head start on what to think about and do in relation to preparing yourself for an immediate family member's death and getting documentation ready for when we all pass on to the great beyond.
Initially, I liked that the book addressed what a living will is and why it's important. Basically, a living will outlines to what extremes you want medical personnel to go should you have a medical emergency and not be able to speak for yourself. Heads up, I am now asked for this document anytime I have outpatient or inpatient surgery. This part of the book reminded me of all the confusion surrounding Terry Schiavo and whether to keep her on life support or not. If you're not familiar with the case it demonstrates the struggle that can occur when you have two opposing forces, in this case her husband and parents, who want different treatment options. Even if you are age twenty I would encourage you to think about having a living will and letting your family members know if you wish to be an organ donor.
The book also does include a section about the need for most people to have an official will that has been composed by an attorney and kept up-to-date based on how one's life changes over the course of time. A will basically instructs family members and others how you wish for remaining assets to be distributed upon your death. Personally, I think it should also include instructions to family members about your funeral such as do you opt for cremation, burial, or a "natural" burial. If someone passes and does not have a will then the immediate family members must wait until all of the deceased's assets go through probate or the court system before any assets can be distributed.
This author does an excellent job of explaining the difference between hospice and palliative care. Actually, I'm eternally grateful my parents often took me with them when I was younger to go visit friends, relatives, or acquaintances who had opted for hospice care. I found hospice comforting and more like home than residing in a hospital until death. I have known people who did not get to visit or be with their grandparents when they passed because they were so scared to visit a hospice facility. I am so glad my father opted for hospice care at the end of his life because it felt more peaceful and comforting than if he had passed in the often sterile, frenzied state of a hospital.
And it's always good to remember that even if you don't want to think about death, you may very well be asked by a relative to be their patient advocate or durable power-of-attorney to help make medical decisions if a relative with a terminal illness should fall into a coma. This is why it is so very important to have these conversations with not just your parents and siblings, but your spouse and children. This book devoted an entire section to helping children cope with death which is very much needed in this day and age.
Overall, I thought this was a highly informative book and one I will surely keep for future reference. I do think we need more books by patients coping and dealing with a terminal diagnosis and more books on the emotional and mental challenges of death. Death is never easy but the least you can do for yourself and those you love is Be Prepared.
Till my next post,
Grace
(Amy)
