Dear Lit Loves,
Greetings! Happy Holidays dear readers! I would like to thank authors Deborah Copaken and Mary Roach for connecting with me via Goodreads and LinkedIn after I reached out to them about the writing process, their most recent books, and the status of the publishing industry during the pandemic. It never ceases to amaze me how helpful many authors can be to an emerging writer like myself. If more people in the publishing industry were this willing to connect with emerging talent, we just might see a return to people having faith in the publishing industry once again. We need a publishing arena that recognizes diversity in all its forms especially those like me who are not afraid to write about some of life's harsher realities and the wisdom that comes from learning how others handle adversity that often arrives at the doorstep as chronic illness, invisible disability, and navigating our current discombobulated health care industry.
Over the past two weeks I have been reading Driven: A White-Knuckled Ride To Heartbreak And Back by Melissa Stephenson. Ms. Stephenson has a BA in English from The University of Montana and an MFA in fiction from Texas State University. Driven is about a young woman growing up and wanting to reach for a life beyond the boundaries of her small town. It is also a book about losing a sibling to suicide. And the unique part of the book is that Ms. Stephenson tells the story via the cars she and her family cycle through over the years.
I identified with the author's desire to stretch her horizons beyond the small town where she resides as a child and teenager. Growing up the author lived in awe of her brother and his immense personality along with how people were just magnetically drawn to him. With memoir there is usually an element of dysfunction whether it is with the writer or maybe the writer's family. In this case, the reader sees where the parents have their own fragilities as most parents do. And the reader sees the positives and negatives of an often laissez-faire parenting style. Ultimately, when Melissa's brother dies it is like a sucker punch to the gut and Ms. Stephenson wrote about the aftermath in such a raw and honest way that there were times when I had to lay the book aside and come back to it several hours or a day later. This just proved how powerful a storyteller the author is because as a female writer myself who also is from a small town, is descended from a family with a history of emotional idiosyncracies and a family where there is a history of suicide, this book touched home for me.
Personally, I have never been one to stigmatize people who cope with various types of mental illness and alcohol/substance abuse issues. It always astounds me when I or someone else mentions receiving counseling or speaking of an experience in rehab and people often act like that is something to hide, be ashamed of, or a life element that should be swept under the rug. Really? I think most families suffer from some form of dysfuntion. My modus operandi is to name the problem, own it, and get the help needed to cope with the issue before it is too late. Many families will ignore the problem, dysfunction, or as many say, the elephant in the room. Is that the healthiest way to handle a relative who is headed into a downward spiral on a very serious level?
When the author's brother dies all members of the family are left reeling. And as many remaining living siblings often do, we wonder if we could have done something to stop the suicide? Did we see the warning signs of a mental and emotional downward spiral and address it with the person? Did anyone try to conduct an intervention? Did we see the progression of mental, emotional, and physical decline and think the problem would mend itself or that some other family member would step up to the plate to help?
The unique part of this book involved how the author chronicled this story by also noting all the cars she and her family members cycled through over the years. From her dad buying a Fiat when he knew her mom was expecting a child to a Volare that carried the family through some of their best times, to the VW van Melissa utilizes to carry herself beyond the borders of Indiana, and finally to the author inheriting the massive truck her brother left upon his death. It was just a fascinating mechanism to utilize to tell this story. And I think the way the author coped and processed her brother's death was to tell his story as well as her own. It was a meaningful, quite moving way to honor her brother and therapeutically process the loss of her brother.
This book at times was a difficult read because I identified so clearly and emotionally with its subject matter and with the author. Ultimately, I am glad I kept going back to the book, continued to read the story, and draw strength from the knowledge that others have shared the painful realities brought about by losing a loved one to mental illness and/or substance abuse. I will be keeping this book on my shelf for quite some time.
Till my next post,
Grace (Amy)
