Review: The Wives: A Memoir by Simone Gorrindo

 Dear Lit Loves,

Happy Summer!  First, thanks to whoever the 37,616 people are who have viewed this blog for one reason or another!  I only have a couple of blog followers, but I reference this blog quite often on Goodreads in relation to the book reviews I write.  As opposed to retype this or other reviews on Goodreads, I simply refer people to this blog site noting the date and book review title.  So thanks to whoever is reading this blog because Blogger, Goodreads, and LinkedIn are about the only social media I commit to as I am a particularly private person.  

At the beginning of May 2024 either someone I know or a prompt from Goodreads led me to investigate this new memoir being released called The Wives:  A Memoir by Simone Gorrindo.  Since the synopsis led me to understand this would be a book about life in the military from a wife's perspective, I was ready for a gripping read from the start.  How many books do you see about what military life is like from a female or wife's perspective?  I have not seen many so as a strong feminist this book intrigued me. Like, why did someone not think of writing about this sooner?!!!

Basically you have a couple, Simone and Andrew, who both come from California.  Simone attended Columbia and Andrew studied the classics at a liberal arts college somewhere near Annapolis.  Simone lands a great job in New York as an editor/writer while Andrew tries out for the Olympics and is fascinated by martial arts.  It did not come as a surprise that Andrew might one day seek a career in the military seeing as how his mother found a drawing in his childhood room that read, "I Love WWII".  

This decision of Andrew joining the military is a struggle for Simone.  Even in couples therapy, Andrew states he just might choose the military over Simone!  (I think this was just Andrew expressing his passion at the time, but the statement would have made me think twice about the relationship).  Andrew and Simone do eventually get married and move to Columbus, Georgia where Andrew will be training for Special Operations, going for the title of Army Ranger, and deploying for missions from Fort Benning.  If you've never been to Columbus, Georgia, it is no buzzing metropolis like New York so I wondered how Simone would fit in with fellow wives of officers and trainees.   The first good sign is Andrew and Simone find a 1300 square foot home to rent and Andrew buys Simone a writing desk so she can continue pursuing her editing and writing career.  

And from this point the reader gets an insider's view of life as a military spouse.  You first learn that while deployed or training, the spouse is essentially running the household including finances, vehicles, kids, school, health care, recreation, and some spouses have their own part-time jobs.  Fortunately, Simone meets what I believe is her closest confidante during this experience in the form of Rachel, who lives across the street and whose husband is also leaving for training.  In fact, Rachel helps Simone furnish her home by just taking the time to go furniture and thrift shopping with Simone.  (Rachel is impressive when it comes to decorating and she is a sincere friend to Simone).  This becomes even more important as the friends Simone had while living in New York often fade away over the span of the book.

The reader  is invited into the first meeting of all the spouses which is held in a large facility.  This is where they learn that they will be responsible for running "life" on the home turf while their husbands are away from home.  They also learn to which Unit their husbands are assigned and also that there is an FRG (family readiness group) for each military unit. Each spouse will be assigned someone to call in the event of a military red alert.   This is also the group that will alert fellow spouses via a phone tree when someone is injured on a mission or a mission changes in any manner.  Spouses learn that they are not to disclose anything about their husband's duties or especially missions and to be aware when on the phone with their spouses that the deployed individual is unable to answer any direct questions regarding their whereabouts, who is with them, or any portion of the mission activities.  

Slowly, but surely the reader sees Simone venturing outside of her comfort zone.  She meets other wives and through Facebook and other social media is able to surmise quite a bit about their lives, values, and beliefs.  Simone quickly realizes that many of the wives are younger than she is and she realizes she has had the privilege of a college education.  Never does Simone come across to me as thinking she is better than others because of her education.  She is quite quick to pick up on some of the more adverse events transpiring in military families such as alcohol overconsumption, volatility, and the frequency of weapons available in homes.  She observes some of the more harsh realities that can occur in military spousal relationships and directly witnesses one couple explode at a social event, but Simone still comes across as open-minded and sincere in her efforts to get to know other spouses and blend into the military community.  

This book demonstrates beautifully what the scene is like when spouses are awaiting the return of their loved one who is deployed.  And there are differences in Andrew when he returns from training or mission deployment.  For example, the fascination with war movies, drinking more than usual, trouble sleeping, taking on a new habit, and more explicit verbiage than normal.  It takes time for a spouse's loved ones to decompress from missions as one can only imagine what it is like being thrown together with other men in small quarters for weeks or months on end.  To me as a reader, Andrew always seemed to eventually return to his polite disposition and deep care for Simone.  At one point in the book, it's moving in that Simone discovers Andrew crying alone after a particularly harsh mission environment or events.  

There is a tug of war between Simone and Andrew when it comes time for him to re-enlist or re-sign once his contract is ending.  And once Simone becomes pregnant she is even more aware of what life might be like if Andrew were seriously injured or mortally wounded in combat.  Actually, at times in the book it appeared as if Simone suffered from some small form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as she would often drive around her community so many times to make sure no notification officers were coming to her door or when she feels that she must listen to a song on the radio until its ending no matter if she has already reached her destination.  No doubt life for the wives holding down the home-front can be overwhelming, lonely, and worrisome.  In the end Simone learns what a first sergeant's wife advised her from the time she first arrived in Columbus, Georgia which is "You just do it."  You know life in the military comes with its fair share of hardships and rewards.  As a couple or family, you keep going during the tough times and lean on your military community during stressful times when you most likely will not have blood relations with you; you have the family that you choose for yourself during a military contract period.

I loved the ending when Simone and Andrew are expecting their first child, Fiona.  Andrew takes to being a father like a fish to water.  Simone takes her time getting used to being a mother.  The couple continue couples therapy throughout the book and it's interesting to see the therapist suggest to Andrew that not only will Simone want to know what is happening with him emotionally after a mission, it would be nice if Andrew nicely asked about how she made it through life while he was deployed.    Marriage:  A constant give and take. 

I think this book is part coming of age, part love story, part military initiation, and ultimately, what not only the deployed sacrifice for their country and family, but what the spouses sacrifice as well.   I think it speaks widely to the theme of:  bloom where you are planted and the idea that sometimes we find ourselves in environments and situations whereby its best if we choose who our "family" really is.  And learning to "choose" a family for yourself is not always the easiest thing to do.

This is a great read.  I have been reading the memoir genre for many moons and I can tell you that I have not come across one that addresses this subject matter from a female perspective and is especially well-written and meaningful.  It is a five star book from my perspective.  I think it is definitely worth a read by everyone, military and non-military.

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)

Review: Between Two Trailers: A Memoir by J. Dana Trent

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings!  Yes I know it's been a long hot minute since I posted a memoir review, but in my defense, I wait till a memoir is released that speaks to me personally before I ever buy it.  As in, there is something in that particular memoir that I can identify with, learn from, and for which I can empathize.  

Sometimes as a simple weed in a field of social media mass sunflowers, or in more forthright terms, as a non-traditionally published writer among big league memoir writers with ginormous social media followings, I feel like there is no literary agent who I will ever appeal to or a traditional publisher that will get behind any one of my manuscripts.  (And then I put some Joan Jett on the stereo and rock the hell out for an hour till I feel better).  Interestingly, while I was perusing Goodreads in early January of this year, I came upon a memoir giveaway written by a gal who teaches right here in North Carolina!  Shock!  Hold on, let me catch my breath here, Henry!  It is always so mind-blowing when this happens that you would almost think I was in the midst of a heart attack.  Bare with me here, folks!

I came upon a memoir by J. Dana Trent, a world religion and critical thinking professor at Wake Technical Community College living here in Raleigh, North Carolina.  I read the synopsis of the book which revealed that she was a preschooler when she began helping her schizophrenic father to cut up weed and fill small bags to sell while her mother suffers from personality disorders and extreme self-absorption.  Yet somehow Ms. Trent was able to make it through a traumatic life to get a divinity degree from Duke University.  I was intrigued.  Full Stop.  I had to read the book because this woman has got a story or stories that are about as unusual as my own.  Thankfully, Ms. Trent's book, Between Two Trailers:  A Memoir was picked up by a traditional publisher.  Hallelujah!  Someone from my neck of the woods finally broke through the steel doors of agents and publishers!!!  

Trent's dad, known as King and her mom, known as Lady met while they both worked in a mental health facility.  He was a recreational therapist and her mom was a psychiatric nurse.  As a child Ms. Trent grew up helping with her dad's drug operation while mom guarded the stash and the cash.  And to beat it all, a good portion of the story takes place in small town Dana, Indiana.  Her father is always on the move whether it involves his trade or imparting wisdom to Ms. Trent and her cousins on midnight bicycle rides through the town of  Dana, Indiana. 

And then right out of the blue one day, the Lady decides she and Dana are leaving Indiana and going to where she has family in Ocean Isle, North Carolina.  Little did Dana know that this was the beginning of the dissolution of her parents' marriage and the unthreading of her time and closeness with her dad. And somehow through sheer tenacity, Lady and Dana make it to an apartment in Chapel Hill where she and her mom attend weekly therapy sessions.  Her mom, Lady, also works briefly as a nurse in our local area. To me,  J. Dana Trent oftentimes felt like the adult in this family even when she was just a little girl trying to take care of herself.  And yet somehow even amidst this haphazard life, this young woman graduates from Salem College and then Duke Divinity School!  

To say this book is one wild ride would be an understatement.  On numerous occasions I was touched by how much fortitude J. Dana Trent displayed and even with mentally ill parents, she still tried to take care of them.  In this book you see how the drug trade took hold of places like Dana, Indiana or flyover country as she often calls it.  The reader most definitely sees mental illness in action through the behaviors and mannerisms of Ms. Trent's parents.  The toll anxiety can take on a person with a twisted life at home and the pressures of college is quite accurately displayed in this book as well.  

There are some real laugh out loud moments too particularly when Trent's father, King, starts laying down the rules of life to Dana and her cousins.  (Her dad reminded me of my grandfather....a real pistol!)  I was just simply amazed that this woman lived to tell her story.  And there might be hope for another outlier like me to one day tell my stories on a bigger stage as well.  

After reading a book like this, sometimes I just feel like if I could have lunch with this writer, I would ask her did she ever wonder why, aside from her uncle, cousins, and grandparents, no one else like a teacher or guidance counselor or social services never appeared to pick up on the tragedy that was occurring in her life?  Was she ever worried that she would develop severe mental illness given her mom and dad's diagnoses?  And finally, because I lost my last parent recently, how did going back to Dana, Indiana later in life give her a sense of healing?  Going back to my roots leaves me devastated like someone ripped off the copper stitches holding my chest together after open-heart surgery.

Simply, this is and was a must read book for me.  And I am so happy someone in publishing realized how valuable Ms. Trent's story is and took the time and effort to support Ms. Trent in revealing her story to the world.  This is a must read, five star book for me.

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)  

Dear NC Dept. Of Education: It Only Takes A Year Of Teaching In NC To Kill A Desire To Make It A Career

 Dear Lit Loves,

I see from recent subject matter on my local television station that Tom Tomlinson, Senior Director of North Carolina's Department of Public Instruction's Office of Educator Preparation and Licensure, wants to know why we have first year teachers in NC leaving in droves.  Ten thousand teachers left the classrooms of North Carolina in 2023.  This is the highest amount in two decades and it runs across every subject matter.  And you want to know why they are leaving?  Get in the trenches with them and discover why.  For that matter, read my book, Brave Soul Rising:  Tales From The Trenches of An Uncharmed Life written under my pen name, Grace Sutherlin. In case that does not help in understanding why teachers are leaving, I will go ahead and list why this North Carolina educator gave up on teaching publicly and privately in the state of North Carolina:

 1) Teacher Pay Is A Joke.

 2) Lack of basic school security measures.

 3) Overwhelming extra demands on my time.

 4) Teacher Morale Is Low.

 5) Honestly, who wants to risk getting shot while on the job?

 6) Principals who cannot address delinquent student behavior for two weeks.

 7) Having to eat lunch with a room full of students.

 8) Number of credits needed for continued teacher licensure.

 9) No Bonus Money If Your Students Perform At A High Level On Tests.

10) Lack of instructional materials for every student and teacher supplies.

11) School buildings falling apart and potentially exposing staff to  harmful substances.                                                    

12) Lack of cleanliness inside and around the school.

13) Gangs entering school buildings and cafeterias illegally.

14) Serious lack of mentorship:  the only time I interacted with my teaching mentor came when I was being evaluated on my instructional methods.

15) My car getting keyed while parked on a school campus.

16) Students not getting to school due to transportation issues.

17) Apathetic parents and guardians.

18) Principals who forget what it is like to be in the classroom.

19) I can start in another career choice at a salary in the range of six figures.

20) Lack of respect.

21) Having to request someone to cover my classes in order to visit the restroom.

Is this enough for you Mr. Tomlinson? Oh, if you think virtual instruction is the answer to the NC teacher retention problem, I also have swamp land you can buy down in Florida, ya hear?!  

                Best,

                Amy R. Schmukler also known as Grace Sutherlin (pen name).