Review: Between Two Trailers: A Memoir by J. Dana Trent

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings!  Yes I know it's been a long hot minute since I posted a memoir review, but in my defense, I wait till a memoir is released that speaks to me personally before I ever buy it.  As in, there is something in that particular memoir that I can identify with, learn from, and for which I can empathize.  

Sometimes as a simple weed in a field of social media mass sunflowers, or in more forthright terms, as a non-traditionally published writer among big league memoir writers with ginormous social media followings, I feel like there is no literary agent who I will ever appeal to or a traditional publisher that will get behind any one of my manuscripts.  (And then I put some Joan Jett on the stereo and rock the hell out for an hour till I feel better).  Interestingly, while I was perusing Goodreads in early January of this year, I came upon a memoir giveaway written by a gal who teaches right here in North Carolina!  Shock!  Hold on, let me catch my breath here, Henry!  It is always so mind-blowing when this happens that you would almost think I was in the midst of a heart attack.  Bare with me here, folks!

I came upon a memoir by J. Dana Trent, a world religion and critical thinking professor at Wake Technical Community College living here in Raleigh, North Carolina.  I read the synopsis of the book which revealed that she was a preschooler when she began helping her schizophrenic father to cut up weed and fill small bags to sell while her mother suffers from personality disorders and extreme self-absorption.  Yet somehow Ms. Trent was able to make it through a traumatic life to get a divinity degree from Duke University.  I was intrigued.  Full Stop.  I had to read the book because this woman has got a story or stories that are about as unusual as my own.  Thankfully, Ms. Trent's book, Between Two Trailers:  A Memoir was picked up by a traditional publisher.  Hallelujah!  Someone from my neck of the woods finally broke through the steel doors of agents and publishers!!!  

Trent's dad, known as King and her mom, known as Lady met while they both worked in a mental health facility.  He was a recreational therapist and her mom was a psychiatric nurse.  As a child Ms. Trent grew up helping with her dad's drug operation while mom guarded the stash and the cash.  And to beat it all, a good portion of the story takes place in small town Dana, Indiana.  Her father is always on the move whether it involves his trade or imparting wisdom to Ms. Trent and her cousins on midnight bicycle rides through the town of  Dana, Indiana. 

And then right out of the blue one day, the Lady decides she and Dana are leaving Indiana and going to where she has family in Ocean Isle, North Carolina.  Little did Dana know that this was the beginning of the dissolution of her parents' marriage and the unthreading of her time and closeness with her dad. And somehow through sheer tenacity, Lady and Dana make it to an apartment in Chapel Hill where she and her mom attend weekly therapy sessions.  Her mom, Lady, also works briefly as a nurse in our local area. To me,  J. Dana Trent oftentimes felt like the adult in this family even when she was just a little girl trying to take care of herself.  And yet somehow even amidst this haphazard life, this young woman graduates from Salem College and then Duke Divinity School!  

To say this book is one wild ride would be an understatement.  On numerous occasions I was touched by how much fortitude J. Dana Trent displayed and even with mentally ill parents, she still tried to take care of them.  In this book you see how the drug trade took hold of places like Dana, Indiana or flyover country as she often calls it.  The reader most definitely sees mental illness in action through the behaviors and mannerisms of Ms. Trent's parents.  The toll anxiety can take on a person with a twisted life at home and the pressures of college is quite accurately displayed in this book as well.  

There are some real laugh out loud moments too particularly when Trent's father, King, starts laying down the rules of life to Dana and her cousins.  (Her dad reminded me of my grandfather....a real pistol!)  I was just simply amazed that this woman lived to tell her story.  And there might be hope for another outlier like me to one day tell my stories on a bigger stage as well.  

After reading a book like this, sometimes I just feel like if I could have lunch with this writer, I would ask her did she ever wonder why, aside from her uncle, cousins, and grandparents, no one else like a teacher or guidance counselor or social services never appeared to pick up on the tragedy that was occurring in her life?  Was she ever worried that she would develop severe mental illness given her mom and dad's diagnoses?  And finally, because I lost my last parent recently, how did going back to Dana, Indiana later in life give her a sense of healing?  Going back to my roots leaves me devastated like someone ripped off the copper stitches holding my chest together after open-heart surgery.

Simply, this is and was a must read book for me.  And I am so happy someone in publishing realized how valuable Ms. Trent's story is and took the time and effort to support Ms. Trent in revealing her story to the world.  This is a must read, five star book for me.

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)  

Dear NC Dept. Of Education: It Only Takes A Year Of Teaching In NC To Kill A Desire To Make It A Career

 Dear Lit Loves,

I see from recent subject matter on my local television station that Tom Tomlinson, Senior Director of North Carolina's Department of Public Instruction's Office of Educator Preparation and Licensure, wants to know why we have first year teachers in NC leaving in droves.  Ten thousand teachers left the classrooms of North Carolina in 2023.  This is the highest amount in two decades and it runs across every subject matter.  And you want to know why they are leaving?  Get in the trenches with them and discover why.  For that matter, read my book, Brave Soul Rising:  Tales From The Trenches of An Uncharmed Life written under my pen name, Grace Sutherlin. In case that does not help in understanding why teachers are leaving, I will go ahead and list why this North Carolina educator gave up on teaching publicly and privately in the state of North Carolina:

 1) Teacher Pay Is A Joke.

 2) Lack of basic school security measures.

 3) Overwhelming extra demands on my time.

 4) Teacher Morale Is Low.

 5) Honestly, who wants to risk getting shot while on the job?

 6) Principals who cannot address delinquent student behavior for two weeks.

 7) Having to eat lunch with a room full of students.

 8) Number of credits needed for continued teacher licensure.

 9) No Bonus Money If Your Students Perform At A High Level On Tests.

10) Lack of instructional materials for every student and teacher supplies.

11) School buildings falling apart and potentially exposing staff to  harmful substances.                                                    

12) Lack of cleanliness inside and around the school.

13) Gangs entering school buildings and cafeterias illegally.

14) Serious lack of mentorship:  the only time I interacted with my teaching mentor came when I was being evaluated on my instructional methods.

15) My car getting keyed while parked on a school campus.

16) Students not getting to school due to transportation issues.

17) Apathetic parents and guardians.

18) Principals who forget what it is like to be in the classroom.

19) I can start in another career choice at a salary in the range of six figures.

20) Lack of respect.

21) Having to request someone to cover my classes in order to visit the restroom.

Is this enough for you Mr. Tomlinson? Oh, if you think virtual instruction is the answer to the NC teacher retention problem, I also have swamp land you can buy down in Florida, ya hear?!  

                Best,

                Amy R. Schmukler also known as Grace Sutherlin (pen name).                                                                                                                                     

              

           

                 

                                     

Review: The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters during Life's Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos, RN

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings!  And I am finally returning to review a recently released memoir written by a hospice nurse entitled The In-Between:  Unforgettable Encounters during Life's Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos.  So why did I select this book to read:  I recently lost my mother to stage four esophageal cancer adenocarcinoma.  Mom moved in with me and my brother as the local hospice facilities had no beds available.

I do not know if I could ever take on the career of a hospice nurse.  To me, hospice nurses have to change their schedules at a moment's notice should one of their home-bound patients have an emergency.  Also, I hate meeting people under circumstances in which one of their beloved is knocking at death's door.  I have to commend Hadley Vlahos for her career efforts as she handles the job requirements and raises a son as a single mom.  

No one really likes to talk about death until BOOM!  It is staring you in the face and you do not have a choice.  Thanks to the hospice nurses that took care of my mom, I now know that even if a loved one chooses to die at home, there is always a transitioning phase for those dying.  For my mom, it was when she started to lose control of bodily functions and there came a point where even if I was speaking directly to her, there was a mystical haze in her eyes.  

Interestingly, those who are in the active phase of dying often are "seeing" loved ones or people who have already died before them.  Seriously,  my brother and I witnessed this with our dad at the hospital.  Right out of the blue one evening, dad started speaking to his younger brother, John, who according to dad was right beside his hospital bed.  Dad carried on a full conversation with his brother.  I just listened.

There also came a point when I witnessed my dad bargaining with God.  Dad really wanted to remain here with us, enjoy retirement, and ensure his youngest physically and mentally disabled sister was well-cared for through her lifespan.  Additionally, I have also witnessed what Hadley Vlahos speaks about when she says people who are actively dying can often predict something that will happen in the near future.  For example, one day I arrived at my dad's hospital room and he quite clearly directed me to go locate and secure a lot more chairs for the hospital room.  He said, "There are a lot of people coming and we need to be ready."  I kept asking him who was coming and he said, "Family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc."  It was a week later that dad died and our church was filled to the rafters and sure enough, ushers had to go find additional chairs.  

Does everyone residing with or at a hospice die at peace?  Mostly, but not all do.  My dad simply drifted away while we were in his hospice room.  In other examples, Nurse Vlahos witnesses someone under her care who basically "bleeds out" when dying.  My own mom was always trying to find a way to sit or lie in order to feel comfortable.  And trust me, it is very difficult as a family member to administer pain meds to your own mother.  No one has to spell it out for you:  those meds are to assist with the pain during the active dying process.  Is their a death rattle at the end of life:  Yes, but not all patients exhibit it.  My dad's death involved labored breathing and an eerie death rattle.  My mom just appeared at peace in her final moments almost as if she had just decided to lie down and take a nap.

I think one of the most important aspects in the book is that no one die alone.  Hearing is the last sense to go.  You can talk to the dying person and they quite possibly can hear you, but may not be able to respond to you.  Nurse Vlahos knows eventually she will lose each of her patients.  Until then, she visits with them, learns from them, advises them, and assists the rest of the family with processing the death.  

One of the most poignant moments in the book is when Nurse Vlahos is assigned to care for a patient who is homeless.  He lives in a tent under a highway or bridge along with other homeless folks.  It was touching to know that Nurse Vlahos went out of her way to help this man obtain food, medicine, and even someone who could contact her should this hospice patient need her.  Trust me, it is a privilege to be present with someone as they are leaving this world for whatever is next.  And when you lose your final parent, I can tell you with absolute certainty, you life will be forever changed.  And with that kind of change, a son or daughter will grieve at their own pace and in their own way.  

I highly recommend this book especially for readers who do not know of hospice or those who have told me they are frightened of hospice.  These are the folks who are the specialists.  They deal with death each day and continue to help folks who are transitioning from this life to whatever you believe comes next.  

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)