Review: Driven: A White-Knuckled Ride To Heartbreak And Back by Melissa Stephenson

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings!  Happy Holidays dear readers!  I would like to thank authors Deborah Copaken and Mary Roach for connecting with me via Goodreads and LinkedIn after I reached out to them about the writing process, their most recent books, and the status of the publishing industry during the pandemic.  It never ceases to amaze me how helpful many authors can be to an emerging writer like myself.  If more people in the publishing industry were this willing to connect with emerging talent, we just might see a return to people having faith in the publishing industry once again. We need a publishing arena that recognizes diversity in all its forms especially those like me who are not afraid to write about some of life's harsher realities and the wisdom that comes from learning how others handle adversity that often arrives at the doorstep as chronic illness, invisible disability, and navigating our current discombobulated health care industry.

Over the past two weeks I have been reading Driven:  A White-Knuckled Ride To Heartbreak And Back by Melissa Stephenson.  Ms. Stephenson has a BA in English from The University of Montana and an MFA in fiction from Texas State University.  Driven is about a young woman growing up and wanting to reach for a life beyond the boundaries of her small town.  It is also a book about losing a sibling to suicide.  And the unique part of the book is that Ms. Stephenson tells the story via the cars she and her family cycle through over the years.  

I identified with the author's desire to stretch her horizons beyond the small town where she resides as a child and teenager.  Growing up the author lived in awe of her brother and his immense personality along with how people were just magnetically drawn to him.  With memoir there is usually an element of dysfunction whether it is with the writer or maybe the writer's family.  In this case, the reader sees where the parents have their own fragilities as most parents do.  And the reader sees the positives and negatives of an often laissez-faire parenting style.  Ultimately, when Melissa's brother dies it is like a sucker punch to the gut and Ms. Stephenson wrote about the aftermath in such a raw and honest way that there were times when I had to lay the book aside and come back to it several hours or a day later. This just proved how powerful a storyteller the author is because as a female writer myself who also is from a small town, is descended from a family with a history of emotional idiosyncracies and a family where there is a history of suicide, this book touched home for me.  

Personally, I have never been one to stigmatize people who cope with various types of mental illness and alcohol/substance abuse issues.  It always astounds me when I or someone else mentions receiving counseling or speaking of an experience in rehab and people often act like that is something to hide, be ashamed of, or a life element that should be swept under the rug.  Really?  I think most families suffer from some form of dysfuntion.  My modus operandi is to name the problem, own it, and get the help needed to cope with the issue before it is too late.  Many families will ignore the problem, dysfunction, or as many say, the elephant in the room.  Is that the healthiest way to handle a relative who is headed into a downward spiral on a very serious level?  

When the author's brother dies all members of the family are left reeling.  And as many remaining living siblings often do, we wonder if we could have done something to stop the suicide?  Did we see the warning signs of a mental and emotional downward spiral and address it with the person?  Did anyone try to conduct an intervention?  Did we see the progression of mental, emotional, and physical decline and think the problem would mend itself or that some other family member would step up to the plate to help? 

The unique part of this book involved how the author chronicled this story by also noting all the cars she and her family members cycled through over the years.  From her dad buying a Fiat when he knew her mom was expecting a child to a Volare that carried the family through some of their best times, to the VW van Melissa utilizes to carry herself beyond the borders of Indiana, and finally to the author inheriting the massive truck her brother left upon his death.  It was just a fascinating mechanism to utilize to tell this story.  And I think the way the author coped and processed her brother's death was to tell his story as well as her own.  It was a meaningful, quite moving way to honor her brother and therapeutically process the loss of her brother.  

This book at times was a difficult read because I identified so clearly and emotionally with its subject matter and with the author.  Ultimately, I am glad I kept going back to the book, continued to read the story, and draw strength from the knowledge that others have shared the painful realities brought about by losing a loved one to mental illness and/or substance abuse.  I will be keeping this book on my shelf for quite some time.

Till my next post,

Grace (Amy)

Review: Two Truths and a Lie: A Murder, A Private Investigator, And Her Search For Justice by Ellen McGarrahan

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings!  Hope you had a safe Thanksgiving and were able to visit with family and friends.  This month I was not inclined to re-read my book club's selection for the month of December so I did what any emerging yet unknown writer would do:  I selected two books written in my favorite genre, memoir!  Let me clarify and say I like memoirs by everyday people and NOT celebrity memoirs.  

The second memoir I selected for the month of December is titled Two Truths and a Lie:  A Murder, A Private Investigator, And Her Search For Justics by Ellen McGarrahan.  I wanted to read this book because its author worked as an investigative reporter for many years in Miami, New York City, and San Francisco. She later found her calling as a private investigator.  While working as an investigative reporter in Florida, she volunteers to witness and write about the execution of a man named Jesse Tafero.  A Florida jury found him guilty of killing two police officers at a rest stop on February 20th, 1976.  He was sentenced to death via electric chair.  Ellen went to observe the execution and was traumatized by what she witnessed.  She thought the whole process would be over and done with in at most several minutes.  That is not what happened. 

When Jesse Tafero was brought into the execution chamber and strapped into the electric chair, officers secured a headset atop his shaved head.  When an anonymous person flipped the switch to electrocute Jesse Tafero, the headset bolted to his head catches fire.  Jesse clenched his fists and slammed upward and back in the chair.  Ellen could tell Jesse was still breathing.  Then anonymous person flipped the switch a second time and Jesse's head is nodding, chest is still heaving, and he is still breathing.  All total, it took seven minutes and three electrical jolts before Jesse Tafero was pronounced dead.  Ellen remains haunted for years by what she witnessed that morning.  And she wonders if the state executed the guilty party in this grisly crime.  Eventually, she becomes a private investigator and returns to Florida to piece together the state's evidence involving the crime and speak with some of the parties involved in the crime.  She also speaks with many of the people that were most effected by the crime and the people who were involved in investigating and bringing this case to trial.

Essentially, the book demonstrates how Ellen went about getting to the truth of who was really guilty in this particular crime.  She wanted to know this truth so she could come to some sense of peace regarding if the proper criminals were truly held accountable and because she was so traumatized by the state's botched execution of an individual who was found guilty in the case.  Which of the people involved in the crime were telling the truth and which people were lying?   She goes through box after box of evidence even recreating the bodily figures of each person who was present on the morning of the crime.  She speaks to family members, prosecuting attorneys, a polygrapher, and even two defendants who were sentenced for the crime.  She needs to know the truth so she can release the obsession she has with the case.  

Actually, this book was quite different from what I thought it would be.  The book's inside cover said it would be a profound meditation on grief, complicity, and justice.  And all those elements are there in the book.  Ultimately, I think the book pushes the reader to consider how he/she feels about the death penalty and how the death penalty is enacted.  For me, the book proved that when an individual tells and shows you who they are, believe them.  I think that last sentence that I wrote was from the writing of the brilliant Maya Angelou.  The book also left me pondering some questions like will our country ever implement gun control laws?  Why are young kids and teenagers in this country able to obtain guns so easily?  Are parents ever able to look at their child's behavior and actions objectively?  Why are guns and violence so prevalent in our society?  Do parents ever realize that the life they choose to lead and the people with whom they associate can greatly scar or benefit the type of person a child grows up to be?  When citizens of this country are asked to serve on a death penalty case, are they seeing all the evidence and testimony that they should be allowed to view and consider before making a decision on whether a defendant is guilty or innocent and whether that person should be sentenced to life in prison without parole or be given the death penalty?  

Finally, I think it goes without saying that this book will make you think about some often uncomfortable topics.  It will make you ask yourself where you stand on the subjects of guns and violence.  It will show you the grief caused by drugs, guns, and inconceivable crimes that surround us all each day.  In conclusion, I would recommend this book.  I wanted to reach out to the author on Goodreads, but I was not given the option of connecting with her though the Goodreads website.  I had some questions for her that I would have liked to ask her about the book.  I would also like to know if she ever truly found peace after what she witnessed and what she discovered after all her research, travels, and interviews.  

Till my next review, observation, or meditation,

Best,

Grace (Amy)

Review: LadyParts: A Memoir by Deborah Copaken

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings!  Today I am reviewing the new memoir titled LadyParts by Deborah Copaken.  Ms. Copaken is also the author of the memoir Shutterbabe which mesmerized audiences with her revelations of what life is like for a female war photographer and journalist.  Ms. Copaken also authored The Red Book as well as Between Here and April.  She was a contributing writer to The Atlantic and a TV writer on Emily in Paris. Her column, "When Cupid Is a Prying Journalist"  was adapted for the Modern Love streaming series. 

In LadyParts:  A Memoir Ms. Copaken shines a light on resilience when as a single mom she finds herself dropping from the middle class without a safety net once confronted with the following:   a prolonged divorce from a man who has the sympathetic nature of a copperhead snake; paying for rent and adult child college tuitions when an ex-husband moves thousands of miles away and provides zero child support;  attempting to find employment when women are often underpaid and often toil in harsh work environments,  trying to secure healthcare insurance in between jobs via COBRA benefits; and last but not least, attempting to obtain a work/life balance when the corporate world only presents job opportunities to women that frequently include indifference to responsibilities a woman has as a mom, penalizes working women for taking time away from work to address personal and child medical ailments, discombobulated work environments that cause stress and lead to insecurities and a work world where sexual harassment and not being paid fairly or given credit for the work you create are often the norm.   If I were teaching a class titled The Fine Art of Being A Feminist, this book would be required reading.  

Talk about ever evolving turbulent periods in a life, Ms. Copaken certainly writes about navigating life's ups and downs when she finally decided to divorce her husband and not settle for less than she deserves when it comes to romantic relationships, utilizing creative ways to pay the rent and put food on the table, navigating finding a living space in New York City while dealing with shady landlords, keeping up tuition payments for her children's college educations with no assistance from their father, navigating adverse health crises when uninsured or waiting to acquire health insurance during a probationary period at a new job, and blowing the whistle on individuals in the workforce who try to strip women of the power to provide for themselves and obtain gainful employment without having to endure sexual harassment in the process.  

As a writer, Ms. Copaken had the incredible opportunity to befriend the late Nora Ephron who lived by her words, "Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim."   Ms. Copaken learned that lesson well and translated it in part via the memoir titled LadyParts.  This book reveals a woman who was determined to survive and thrive though life kept emitting mortar fire at her no mater which way she turned.  The process enabled her to build a no-nonsense ethical ability when it comes to her professional and personal life.  She learned quickly what she would not settle for in a significant other and she learned how to gracefully navigate indifferent corporate work environments and blow the whistle when it comes to sexual harassment in the workplace whether you are a freelancer, consultant, or full-time, site-based employee.

This is a powerful memoir that I have been waiting to see on bookshelves since I navigated those same shark-infested corporate and academic waters many years ago.  As a woman, you owe it to yourself to ensure that you are paid fairly for the work you choose to do, to be able to live a decent life and obtain affordable and well-managed healthcare, and to not tolerate sexual harassment of any sort by blowing the whistle on people who choose to engage in it.  Be the heroine that more women today need to see and hear so others can orchestrate achieving the benefit of being the heroine of their own life story.  

Bravo, Ms. Copaken!  A job well-done!  I highly recommend the book titled LadyParts:  A Memoir by Deborah Copaken.  

Till my next review, adventure, or tirade!

All Best,

Grace  (aka Amy)