What Happened To My North Carolina?!!!

Dear Lit Loves,

Salutations, good day, and please understand that every now and then I have to diverge from discussions about my often horrendous interaction with the publishing world and just write about something that either strikes my fancy or lights my fire, okay?  I moved back to my home state of North Carolina about a year ago and in the year that I've been here I have been shocked, ticked off, ready to launch a protest movement, and floored by what I am witnessing in North Carolina after having lived in the suburbs of Atlanta, GA for fourteen years.  Honestly, I am ready to launch and institute what I call "Operation Bring Back The Art Of Southern Sophistication".  I've been horrified at what I am witnessing in my home state.  The following is what has led me to wonder what in God's country happened to southern gentleness. 


1)  When Did Interstate 40 East And West Become The New INDY 500 Track?  

For Pete's sake folks, it is NOT necessary to drive like a bat out of hell on North Carolina Interstate Highways!  Not only are people driving sometimes ten and twenty miles over the speed limit, but I have been forced onto the embankment of a highway entrance/exit ramp because other drivers who SHOULD move over to allow me access to the highway, refuse to do so.  Maybe people around here forgot what a turn signal indicates and why some of us use it?  Maybe there are a good many people who have transplanted themselves here from other states and this kind of backassward, rogue driving is what they learned in their former state?  And I have been cut off by so many aggressive, phone hogging drivers that now, I've just started taking down the color and make of the vehicle along with the license plate number and voluntarily giving this information to my friends at The N.C. Highway Patrol Office so you can be ticketed for aggressive driving and driving while using a handheld cell phone.  Next, there are those drivers (in my experience it is usually a person driving a Lexus, Mercedes, BMW, or some other high-falutin' vehicle), who ride the ass of my vintage Mustang.  One foolish male tried to pass me on a two lane road that was a no passing zone with oncoming cars headed toward both he and I.   Now, rogue fool, if you wish to drive like a maniac from hell and have a death wish for yourself, might I suggest you take you and your overpriced vehicle, ugly personality, and total disregard for safety to some other state.  Don't get behind my Mustang and ride my bumper like you're under a Nascar caution flag.  And do not flip me off and yell profanities at me when you do get an opportunity to pass me.  And finally, the other day I was taking myself to lunch in an upscale shopping area near where I live in the Triangle area of North Carolina.  The parking lot was packed and I had been driving around being patient waiting for a parking space.  Finally, I see a woman leaving a salon.  So I pull around, give her plenty of space to back out and wait patiently as she leaves so I can then park my car.  Would you not know that some wing-ding, it's all about me twenty-something, most likely driving her mom or dad's sports car, speeds down the aisle from the other direction and pulls right into the parking space for which I've been waiting.  Folks, there was smoke coming from my ears.  I have never in my life seen such rude, despicable, aggressive, self-centered drivers in this state!  And let me just add that I think it's true that a person's true personality is revealed when he/she gets behind the wheel of a car.  So I have concluded that we now have some seriously foul-smelling personalities in this state and if it were up to me, you wouldn't be allowed to live here.  And oh yes, I forgot to mention that I do believe in Karma and man is it a bitch when it comes back to bite.

2)  What Is With All The Overpriced And Butt-Ugly Homes In The Area?

Honestly, me and my husband have been renting an apartment since we moved back to North Carolina.  Every now and then I decide to go drive around the Triangle region just to see what homes are going for and what styles are available.  Let me tell you I have been laughing my ass off that homeowners here think that you are going to find someone gullible enough to buy your 3 bedroom, 2 bath home on .02 acres for $550,000!!!  Is the bathtub made of gold?  Are there marble floors throughout the house instead of hardwood floors or carpet? Does it come with a Ferrari? No, you say?  Well, welcome to reality.  Ain't no one, unless he/she is one gullible person with more money than common sense, that is going to pay you $550,000 for that fifteen year old three bedroom, 2 bath cluster home, ranch, or God Forbid, craftsman style house.  And what is with all the Craftsman style homes around here?!  They look like something out of the show "This Old House" without any renovation or "after" work done at all.  And let me tell you, I have no problems telling a real estate agent what I think of a house and exactly what I think that house is worth!  You know why?  My mother worked in the real estate industry for over thirty years so I know what the going rate is for your home, I know what you paid for it, I know about the schools in the area and the crime rate as well as what you have or haven't done to maintain and update said property.  And if you overpaid for a house you bought during the mortgage meltdown, prepare to take a serious loss.  You should NEVER have paid that much for that house. That just plain incompetence.

3)  What Is With North Carolina Being Next To Or Last In Education?

When I read recently that North Carolina came in either next to last or last in terms of public school education, I was offended.  Seriously offended.  But I know why it's happening.  The state is NOT paying your teachers enough!  You are paying those assistant principals and principals especially and often overly adequate salaries, but the state is giving the teachers here bread crumbs.  I know.  I used to teach here. The operative words are "used to".  I no longer tolerate not being more than adequately compensated for bringing in top student reading and writing test scores.  I don't need to teach in a school that is so out of control that a student purposely slams a classroom door on my hand, breaks the tip of my finger, and the principal or assistant principal gives them one day of in-school suspension.  And that truly happened to me.  If your principal and assistant principals don't have enough decency and authority to make sure North Carolina teachers are not dissed or injured, then why should I put my life on the line?!  And no, the governor has not given teachers a substantial salary raise in this state nor do I think he ever will.  And would somebody explain to me why N.C. State University keeps sending me requests to tutor students in English for free?  I paid for my education and you damn well can afford to pay me for my expertise if your students require it so badly!!

4)  And Why Did Our N.C. Governor Fast Track A Bill To Permit Fracking?

I just recently learned that back in 2014 the governor of N.C. fast-tracked a bill to permit fracking.  Oh Jesus and Mother Mary Help Us All.  People, if you think fracking is a good thing then go take a look at the state of Texas.  In Texas, fracking decimated the land, home prices dropped through the floor, people started developing respiratory illnesses and cancer, and the air there is polluted something awful.  And now I'm learning that our N.C. governor wants the citizens of N.C. to subsidize fracking?  If you don't know what that means let me tell you:  He wants tax payer dollars to be given to the oil and gas industries who make billions so they can implement fracking in North Carolina so our land, water, and citizens can be poisoned all for the sake of discovering a little natural gas!  Ain't no way I'm voting for it.  I'd rather see our governor start having to dig his way back to Charlotte with a teaspoon than give him one ounce of authorization to use my money to ruin the land, water,  and people of this state.  And what also bothers me is that the governor chose to sign this fast-track fracking bill at N.C. State University.  So I have to ask:  Is N.C. State University backing fracking?  Let me know N.C. State Public Relations because I will not be recommending your institution to any college-bound senior high school students or college transfer students either.

5)  Why Have I Been Assigned To Vote At A Church?

The last time I checked (and I also have a degree that allows me to teach history) the founding fathers of this country wanted separation of church and state.  Okay.  No problem.  And then I register to vote in North Carolina and I receive my voter registration card telling me I am supposed to vote at a church?  Say WHAT?!  Oh Hell To The No.  I've voted at courthouses, schools, fire stations, city hall, etc., but never have I been instructed that my voting place is a church.  Why is that happening is what I want to know?  This is a serious violation of the law in my opinion.  It will not prevent me from voting, but I find my polling place to be high suspicious. What I really want to know is who in their right mind designated a church as a polling station?!!

6)  What Is With All The Weird 'Cue?

Okay, so for the uninitiated what I am saying is this:  what in the hell is going on with all the weird barbecue places springing up here and there all over the Triangle area?!  Dear God.  Now in N.C. folks, barbecue is as serious as your religion and I am telling you I am from near the Winston-Salem area and as far as I'm concerned this is what N.C. Barbecue is:  well-chopped, spicy with a distinct tang.  It is served with hushpuppies and spiky, sharp-shooting, make grandma sit up and scream vinegar based slaw, and usually this comes with a sweet tea.  So I move to the Triangle region and start trying various barbecue restaurants.  Somebody Call The Pope!  What in the tarnation is this grub you are trying to serve me?!  N.C. barbecue ain't sweet (that's Georgia); it ain't ribs; it's not burnt to a crisp (that's Texas) and it surely is not served in strips that are barely cooked!  And no, quality N.C. barbecue is not served with fried okra, pinto beans, some kind of nasty mayo coleslaw or worse, mustard colored potato salad!  Now, I haven't tried all the barbecue restaurants here yet and I am hopeful that I will discover serious, quality North Carolina barbecue in the N.C. Triangle region, but so far NADA.

7)  What Is With All The Rudeness?

So my husband returns home from getting a his hair cut and styled at a salon.  He enters the apartment looking like someone just stole all his Edy's chocolate chip ice cream from our refrigerator and he is massaging both sides of his temples.  During his salon visit, the stylist located next to his stylist had a five year old kid whose mother forced him to come to the salon and get a his hair washed, cut, and styled.  The kid screamed from the moment he was put in the stylist's chair.  He yelled that it hurt to get his hair cut.  And he screamed in an ongoing fashion for the entire forty minutes my husband was there sitting in a station beside him trying to get his hair trimmed.  Did the mom take the kid outside?  Did the mom pick up the kid and say that she would come back at another time?  Did the owner of the salon intervene?  Oh no.  No one stopped this scream king.  He went full tilt.  My husband was concerned because he couldn't even hold a conversation with his own stylist and he was also afraid that his stylist was so distracted by the screaming that she was going to mess up and leave him with a cowlick which has happened.  Rude, rude, and just rude.  Because your kid needs his hair trimmed and you insist it be done on your schedule and then your kid starts acting like a hyena and giving other customers and stylists migraines, you as a parent just ruined a salon experience for seven other customers. Ever heard of discipline dear momma?  Take a class, read a book, or google it on your new Apple smart phone.  Time for some people to go to school and learn how to parent.   By the way, I went to this salon on one occasion, judged them to be seriously lacking due to my hair being five different colors, and promptly called my brother Kegan, the McDaddy Edward Scissorhands of Raleigh, North Carolina and now, I have seriously fierce hair, but he ain't cheap and no, he will not tolerate screaming spoiled five year olds.  And finally, the other day I was shopping in Belk.  I happened to be looking at a pair of pumps.  Suddenly I heard a seriously awful conversation peppered with the most foul language.  It was coming from a dressing room.  So I went to see if maybe this was a person or persons who worked for Belk.  Oh no.  It was two fully grown women trash talking one another as they tried on clothes.  And I noticed customers in the area hurrying to vacate the store and not one employee dared call security or intervene.  I was frankly annoyed.  I could have bought two pairs of shoes, but rather than have to listen to two grown adult women talk smack, I left.  Shame on you.  You people are old enough to know better.

COME ON NORTH CAROLINA!!  SHOW SOME DECENCY, RESPECT, AND I KNOW IT'S HARD FOR MANY OF YOU, BUT HOW ABOUT A DUSTING OF SOUTHERN SOPHISTICATION!  IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK THESE DAYS? 

Till my next book review, literary rant, or soap box call to battle,

Grace
(Amy)

Review: A Grand Slam of a Memoir entitled The Rules of Inheritance by Claire Bidwell Smith

Dear Lit Loves,

I always love it when a generally unknown writer creates a memoir that touches on a deep subject and then tells the story in such a way that she knocks it out of the park; a homer or better yet, a grand slam.  Why?  Because it gives me hope that a literary agent has recognized that you don't have to be a celebrity to write a bestseller and that there is an editor who is brave enough not to shy away from what some members of the literary community will say is dreary subject matter.  In other words, it gives me hope that there is a distinct possibility that the same could happen for a writer such as myself.

I finished reading The Rules of Inheritance by Claire Bidwell Smith.  This was her first book and a memoir about the cycle of grief and turmoil following the loss of her parents.  Her mother died when the author was eighteen and her father died when she was twenty-five years of age.  First, the reader is escorted through the process via chapter timelines marked by not only the year, but the age of the author at the time.  It is quickly apparent to me after having lost my dad recently to cancer that each person experiences grief in a different way.  And also, there are some categorically essentially truths that most people encounter when a parent is lost.

First, the author loses her mom and misses the actual point where her mom dies due to stopping along her route home from college.  This haunts her for a long time.  We then see the author experience a period of turmoil where she is almost nomadic.  She loses her way.  The audience sees how she begins to spiral into drinking, going from one romantic relationship to another, moving from place to place and one job to another.  In one particular relationship it was quite evident that the guy with whom she was involved was capable of domestic violence.  He is angered easily, volatile, manipulative, controlling, highly arrogant, and then the recognizable trait of being almost incapable of sympathy.  When you've been up close and personal with a man like this, you can recognize it from a mile away and I definitely picked up on the nature of this one particular partner with whom she becomes involved.  The author then loses her dad when she is twenty-five years old but not before getting to know him really well as the two of them try to find their way through a thick fog of grief following the wife/mother's passing.  And no, she doesn't miss the moment when her father takes his last breath; she's there with him and present for that quite important moment.

Several good points are made regarding grief and death of a parent.  I think it's true that when a parent dies a part of you simply stops.  You can go into a state of shock.  A person may then go on to experience despair, hostility, and meaninglessness.   And I must say I agree with the author that grieving is a lonely process.  No one, until they've been in your shoes and lost a parent, really understands what you're feeling.  Ms. Bidwell Smith says grief is like another country.  To me it's like falling into a void, a place of nothingness.  Time almost seems to stop and your own life comes to a halt while you watch everyone else in the world rushing here and there with their own lives.  For me it's a feeling of my world has been turned upside down and this guy over here is upset about a scratch on his car door or a woman in line at the bank for more than ten minutes begins having a nuclear meltdown because it's taking up too much of her time.  You almost want to shout, "Oh really?!  Get a clue!  I realize it's disappointing and inconvenient, but hell, you didn't just watch someone who shaped you as a child and adult die!"   I've been in situations like that and you just realize life is too short to get caught up and overwhelmed by the trivial stuff.  After you've held your parent's hand when he/she has taken their last breath, when you watched a parent actively die right before your eyes, you begin to recognize what constitutes real disaster and not by choice, you become quite familiar with looking real disaster in the face.

Ultimately, the author finds her purpose and calling in life by volunteering at a newly built program assisting youth after school.  She goes on to finish a master's degree is clinical psychology and becomes a grief counselor at hospice.  I don't want to give away the ending to this book, but I thought it was quite poignant that the author's father tells her before he dies that life is worth living and if there were no death, we wouldn't realize how sweet and precious life is.  I think as a hospice counselor the author knows how powerful it is to have someone present with you when death comes knocking at you or your family's door.  And ultimately, Ms Bidwell Smith is correct when she says that losing someone like a parent is like having a physical wound that eventually heals, but it leaves a scar.  A scar serving as a reminder of a battle and the memory of your survival as well as how that experience has made you into the person you are now and today.

Truly, I highly recommend this book. 

Till my next read, review, or publishing experience,
Grace
(Amy)

Review: After This: When Life Is Over Where Do We Go? by Claire Bidwell Smith

Dear Lit Loves,

Oh. My. Goodness.  I have a fantastic narrative/prescriptive book recommendation!  I liked it so much that I wrote the author and the editor.  The author hasn't gotten back to me, but she is also a full-time grief counselor so like all of us in the writing world, she's juggling a lot.  I learned from an associate editor at Avery (who is quite kind and responds supportively to potential debut authors) that the editor of this book, Denise Roy, has left Penguin Random House.  So I wrote the senior editor who took her place to thank her for PRH acquiring and publishing this book.  She didn't respond.  Oh well.  That's her loss and that speaks to a part of the reputation being built by Penguin Random House.  The associate editor that corresponds with me is a smart and lovely young editor. That does not negate the fact that After This:  When Life Is Over Where Do We Go? by Claire Bidwell Smith is a fantastic read and I highly recommend it.  Here's why:

This book wholeheartedly explores the author's exploration, following the deaths of her mom and dad, the questions that persist with many of us left behind when we lose a parent:  Where are they now?  Are they still with us?  Can they see what's going on in our lives?  Do they know how much we miss them?   These questions obviously resonated with me in a quite profound way as I just lost my dad after a twelve year intensive battle with a rare form of lymphoma.  I truly struggled with his death because I didn't think my dad should have died from pneumonia.  His newly assigned oncologist didn't recognize the symptoms, did not perform the appropriate tests, and neglected to hospitalize a high-risk cancer patient and administer the appropriate antibiotics dad required.  And the cancer center's administration, when I brought this to their attention, basically ignored me and treated me, my dad, and my family in an abrasive fashion after my questioning of their holier than thou new oncologist. 

So Ms. Claire Bidwell Smith, who also wrote The Rules of Inheritance, about her struggle with her parents' deaths, is right on the money when she finds her audience in those folks like me who struggle daily with how to proceed in life following the death of a parent.  Ms Smith like me is profoundly struck by all the attention and celebration paid to the birth of a person and how well-trained our society seems to be in regards to recoiling and shrinking away from the dying person.  No folks, let me tell you from personal experience that is when a person and their family needs people the most.    So to discover potential answers to the questions of what happened to her parents once they died and how will she proceed in life following their deaths, Ms. Smith explores the inner world of psychics, mediums, shamanism, past life regression practioners, seances, and faiths.  I will not give away here on my blog what she learns through being open to all these sources of information.  And I loved the way at the end of each chapter she writes a note to her daughters about what she wants them to know not only about life and death, but the values of their mom and what special characteristics she notices in each of her daughters that will certainly inform their life path as they mature. 

Here's what Claire Bidwell Smith and I know from our experiences with the death of a parent or a sincerely close friend:  those folks' spirit is still with us.  They are all around us.  When someone that close to you dies, you must make meaning of it and discover what it is this experience teaches you.  What values or good can you do in the world today that would make that deceased loved one proud or honor them in some way?.  For me, it's how I treat people in my everyday existence.  And it's potentially helping others through sharing my life experiences via memoir or personal narrative.  Because here's the real clincher folks:  Human life is but a small bit of our soul's experience in this world.  We're not yet done when we leave this earthly existence.  And those that have gone before of us are still here, just in another form.  We are the living proof and product of those dear loved ones we and the world have lost.  We are their legacy and there is only a temporary goodbye.  We will see them again.

Fabulous book.  Order it, swing by Barnes & Noble and buy it, or read someone else's copy.  It's a beautiful testament to both life, death, and the people we have lost who have touched our lives.

Till my next review.

Love,
Grace
(Amy)