Dear Lit Loves,
Salutations, good day, and please understand that every now and then I have to diverge from discussions about my often horrendous interaction with the publishing world and just write about something that either strikes my fancy or lights my fire, okay? I moved back to my home state of North Carolina about a year ago and in the year that I've been here I have been shocked, ticked off, ready to launch a protest movement, and floored by what I am witnessing in North Carolina after having lived in the suburbs of Atlanta, GA for fourteen years. Honestly, I am ready to launch and institute what I call "Operation Bring Back The Art Of Southern Sophistication". I've been horrified at what I am witnessing in my home state. The following is what has led me to wonder what in God's country happened to southern gentleness.
1) When Did Interstate 40 East And West Become The New INDY 500 Track?
For Pete's sake folks, it is NOT necessary to drive like a bat out of hell on North Carolina Interstate Highways! Not only are people driving sometimes ten and twenty miles over the speed limit, but I have been forced onto the embankment of a highway entrance/exit ramp because other drivers who SHOULD move over to allow me access to the highway, refuse to do so. Maybe people around here forgot what a turn signal indicates and why some of us use it? Maybe there are a good many people who have transplanted themselves here from other states and this kind of backassward, rogue driving is what they learned in their former state? And I have been cut off by so many aggressive, phone hogging drivers that now, I've just started taking down the color and make of the vehicle along with the license plate number and voluntarily giving this information to my friends at The N.C. Highway Patrol Office so you can be ticketed for aggressive driving and driving while using a handheld cell phone. Next, there are those drivers (in my experience it is usually a person driving a Lexus, Mercedes, BMW, or some other high-falutin' vehicle), who ride the ass of my vintage Mustang. One foolish male tried to pass me on a two lane road that was a no passing zone with oncoming cars headed toward both he and I. Now, rogue fool, if you wish to drive like a maniac from hell and have a death wish for yourself, might I suggest you take you and your overpriced vehicle, ugly personality, and total disregard for safety to some other state. Don't get behind my Mustang and ride my bumper like you're under a Nascar caution flag. And do not flip me off and yell profanities at me when you do get an opportunity to pass me. And finally, the other day I was taking myself to lunch in an upscale shopping area near where I live in the Triangle area of North Carolina. The parking lot was packed and I had been driving around being patient waiting for a parking space. Finally, I see a woman leaving a salon. So I pull around, give her plenty of space to back out and wait patiently as she leaves so I can then park my car. Would you not know that some wing-ding, it's all about me twenty-something, most likely driving her mom or dad's sports car, speeds down the aisle from the other direction and pulls right into the parking space for which I've been waiting. Folks, there was smoke coming from my ears. I have never in my life seen such rude, despicable, aggressive, self-centered drivers in this state! And let me just add that I think it's true that a person's true personality is revealed when he/she gets behind the wheel of a car. So I have concluded that we now have some seriously foul-smelling personalities in this state and if it were up to me, you wouldn't be allowed to live here. And oh yes, I forgot to mention that I do believe in Karma and man is it a bitch when it comes back to bite.
2) What Is With All The Overpriced And Butt-Ugly Homes In The Area?
Honestly, me and my husband have been renting an apartment since we moved back to North Carolina. Every now and then I decide to go drive around the Triangle region just to see what homes are going for and what styles are available. Let me tell you I have been laughing my ass off that homeowners here think that you are going to find someone gullible enough to buy your 3 bedroom, 2 bath home on .02 acres for $550,000!!! Is the bathtub made of gold? Are there marble floors throughout the house instead of hardwood floors or carpet? Does it come with a Ferrari? No, you say? Well, welcome to reality. Ain't no one, unless he/she is one gullible person with more money than common sense, that is going to pay you $550,000 for that fifteen year old three bedroom, 2 bath cluster home, ranch, or God Forbid, craftsman style house. And what is with all the Craftsman style homes around here?! They look like something out of the show "This Old House" without any renovation or "after" work done at all. And let me tell you, I have no problems telling a real estate agent what I think of a house and exactly what I think that house is worth! You know why? My mother worked in the real estate industry for over thirty years so I know what the going rate is for your home, I know what you paid for it, I know about the schools in the area and the crime rate as well as what you have or haven't done to maintain and update said property. And if you overpaid for a house you bought during the mortgage meltdown, prepare to take a serious loss. You should NEVER have paid that much for that house. That just plain incompetence.
3) What Is With North Carolina Being Next To Or Last In Education?
When I read recently that North Carolina came in either next to last or last in terms of public school education, I was offended. Seriously offended. But I know why it's happening. The state is NOT paying your teachers enough! You are paying those assistant principals and principals especially and often overly adequate salaries, but the state is giving the teachers here bread crumbs. I know. I used to teach here. The operative words are "used to". I no longer tolerate not being more than adequately compensated for bringing in top student reading and writing test scores. I don't need to teach in a school that is so out of control that a student purposely slams a classroom door on my hand, breaks the tip of my finger, and the principal or assistant principal gives them one day of in-school suspension. And that truly happened to me. If your principal and assistant principals don't have enough decency and authority to make sure North Carolina teachers are not dissed or injured, then why should I put my life on the line?! And no, the governor has not given teachers a substantial salary raise in this state nor do I think he ever will. And would somebody explain to me why N.C. State University keeps sending me requests to tutor students in English for free? I paid for my education and you damn well can afford to pay me for my expertise if your students require it so badly!!
4) And Why Did Our N.C. Governor Fast Track A Bill To Permit Fracking?
I just recently learned that back in 2014 the governor of N.C. fast-tracked a bill to permit fracking. Oh Jesus and Mother Mary Help Us All. People, if you think fracking is a good thing then go take a look at the state of Texas. In Texas, fracking decimated the land, home prices dropped through the floor, people started developing respiratory illnesses and cancer, and the air there is polluted something awful. And now I'm learning that our N.C. governor wants the citizens of N.C. to subsidize fracking? If you don't know what that means let me tell you: He wants tax payer dollars to be given to the oil and gas industries who make billions so they can implement fracking in North Carolina so our land, water, and citizens can be poisoned all for the sake of discovering a little natural gas! Ain't no way I'm voting for it. I'd rather see our governor start having to dig his way back to Charlotte with a teaspoon than give him one ounce of authorization to use my money to ruin the land, water, and people of this state. And what also bothers me is that the governor chose to sign this fast-track fracking bill at N.C. State University. So I have to ask: Is N.C. State University backing fracking? Let me know N.C. State Public Relations because I will not be recommending your institution to any college-bound senior high school students or college transfer students either.
5) Why Have I Been Assigned To Vote At A Church?
The last time I checked (and I also have a degree that allows me to teach history) the founding fathers of this country wanted separation of church and state. Okay. No problem. And then I register to vote in North Carolina and I receive my voter registration card telling me I am supposed to vote at a church? Say WHAT?! Oh Hell To The No. I've voted at courthouses, schools, fire stations, city hall, etc., but never have I been instructed that my voting place is a church. Why is that happening is what I want to know? This is a serious violation of the law in my opinion. It will not prevent me from voting, but I find my polling place to be high suspicious. What I really want to know is who in their right mind designated a church as a polling station?!!
6) What Is With All The Weird 'Cue?
Okay, so for the uninitiated what I am saying is this: what in the hell is going on with all the weird barbecue places springing up here and there all over the Triangle area?! Dear God. Now in N.C. folks, barbecue is as serious as your religion and I am telling you I am from near the Winston-Salem area and as far as I'm concerned this is what N.C. Barbecue is: well-chopped, spicy with a distinct tang. It is served with hushpuppies and spiky, sharp-shooting, make grandma sit up and scream vinegar based slaw, and usually this comes with a sweet tea. So I move to the Triangle region and start trying various barbecue restaurants. Somebody Call The Pope! What in the tarnation is this grub you are trying to serve me?! N.C. barbecue ain't sweet (that's Georgia); it ain't ribs; it's not burnt to a crisp (that's Texas) and it surely is not served in strips that are barely cooked! And no, quality N.C. barbecue is not served with fried okra, pinto beans, some kind of nasty mayo coleslaw or worse, mustard colored potato salad! Now, I haven't tried all the barbecue restaurants here yet and I am hopeful that I will discover serious, quality North Carolina barbecue in the N.C. Triangle region, but so far NADA.
7) What Is With All The Rudeness?
So my husband returns home from getting a his hair cut and styled at a salon. He enters the apartment looking like someone just stole all his Edy's chocolate chip ice cream from our refrigerator and he is massaging both sides of his temples. During his salon visit, the stylist located next to his stylist had a five year old kid whose mother forced him to come to the salon and get a his hair washed, cut, and styled. The kid screamed from the moment he was put in the stylist's chair. He yelled that it hurt to get his hair cut. And he screamed in an ongoing fashion for the entire forty minutes my husband was there sitting in a station beside him trying to get his hair trimmed. Did the mom take the kid outside? Did the mom pick up the kid and say that she would come back at another time? Did the owner of the salon intervene? Oh no. No one stopped this scream king. He went full tilt. My husband was concerned because he couldn't even hold a conversation with his own stylist and he was also afraid that his stylist was so distracted by the screaming that she was going to mess up and leave him with a cowlick which has happened. Rude, rude, and just rude. Because your kid needs his hair trimmed and you insist it be done on your schedule and then your kid starts acting like a hyena and giving other customers and stylists migraines, you as a parent just ruined a salon experience for seven other customers. Ever heard of discipline dear momma? Take a class, read a book, or google it on your new Apple smart phone. Time for some people to go to school and learn how to parent. By the way, I went to this salon on one occasion, judged them to be seriously lacking due to my hair being five different colors, and promptly called my brother Kegan, the McDaddy Edward Scissorhands of Raleigh, North Carolina and now, I have seriously fierce hair, but he ain't cheap and no, he will not tolerate screaming spoiled five year olds. And finally, the other day I was shopping in Belk. I happened to be looking at a pair of pumps. Suddenly I heard a seriously awful conversation peppered with the most foul language. It was coming from a dressing room. So I went to see if maybe this was a person or persons who worked for Belk. Oh no. It was two fully grown women trash talking one another as they tried on clothes. And I noticed customers in the area hurrying to vacate the store and not one employee dared call security or intervene. I was frankly annoyed. I could have bought two pairs of shoes, but rather than have to listen to two grown adult women talk smack, I left. Shame on you. You people are old enough to know better.
COME ON NORTH CAROLINA!! SHOW SOME DECENCY, RESPECT, AND I KNOW IT'S HARD FOR MANY OF YOU, BUT HOW ABOUT A DUSTING OF SOUTHERN SOPHISTICATION! IS THAT REALLY TOO MUCH TO ASK THESE DAYS?
Till my next book review, literary rant, or soap box call to battle,
Grace
(Amy)
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