Lark Ascending: A Novel by Silas House

 Dear Lit Loves,

This month my book club chose to read Lark Ascending:  A Novel by Silas House.  This particular author has published seven novels, one book of creative nonfiction, and three plays.  Silas House is also the poet laureate of Kentucky for the years 2023-2025.  

First, let me start by saying I had never read this author's work previously.  I knew this book most definitely falls into the literary fiction category because nearly every sentence paints a picture and paragraphs elicit strong emotions.  It did not surprise me that Algonquin Books was the publisher of Lark Ascending:  A Novel; they tend to publish literature reading more like poetry over more plain-spoken manuscripts.   Both types of books have their merits in my opinion.

The book follows a young man named Lark and his family who initially reside in Maryland, but due to climate change and religious nationalism, the family is forced to move to Maine.  We get to see what the U.S. and other countries do when one person or faction takes power to the exclusion of others and personal freedoms evaporate.  Even more, we get to see what happens when others will follow one person or faction in power often to the detriment of others. Lark and his family eventually decide to leave the United States on a boat with many others fleeing the U.S. by taking to the North Atlantic and setting out for Ireland.  The family has heard that Ireland is the last country accepting American refugees, but the trip is fraught with immense danger.  Upon reaching the outskirts of Ireland, the boat is hit with bullets quickly sinking it and leaving only Lark left alive while the others parish at sea including both his parents.

Ireland has also descended into chaos due to climate change and religious nationalism. In this part of the story the reader sees the Nays in power and those fighting the Nays are called the Resistance or Rebels. Lark has to try and find his way to a place his parents were intending to travel to called Glendalough; Glendalough being imagined as a place of beauty and freedoms.  Along the way, Lark encounters a deep bond with a Beagle in a place where dogs have been banned.  And he also meets Helen, a woman who is searching for her son who she believes has been kidnapped and held in what often sounds like an internment camp.  The bulk of the story is about Lark, Helen, and a dog named Seamus trying to make their way to the beautiful area of Glendalough.  

At the heart of this book, the author wants the reader to contemplate what happens to humans when climate change occurs and control-seeking factions are placed in power.  More importantly, the book demonstrates the power of grief and what helps Lark to survive long enough to make it to Glendalough.  The powerful connection between animals and the ones who love them is exhibited throughout the book.  There is also the notion of losing your biological family and choosing who you make your "Found Family".  The book deals with grief and hope and how they can be entangled and coexist.  The larger questions the author wants the reader to think about include:

1) Does a place shape its people or do people shape a place?? (My answer:  Both)

2)  There is strength in numbers, but is there not also a danger when there is strength in numbers?

Honestly, I had a difficult time even reading this book as I am still grieving a personal loss myself.  There were moments when I had to put this book down and walk away from it.  And yes, parts of this book were difficult and shocking to read and envision.  I am glad I kept reading though because in the end is where the beauty in this story lies. (Also, I wish I had read the end of book essay by the book's author before starting to read the book itself!)  This book will make you think about the future of our planet, what happens when power is in the hands of a chosen few, and how it is often the smallest of wonders that bring humans the most joy as we live many lives in one lifetime.

I would recommend this book, but also caution readers about the immense grief and disaster portrayed in the book.  Overall, I would recommend you read this book and determine what you think it says about the future of our planet and our people should we ever encounter an apocalypse.

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)

Review: The Story of a Heart: Two Families, One Heart, and the Medical Miracle That Saved a Child's Life by Dr. Rachel Clarke

 Dear Lit Loves,

Wow.  I just completed reading an in-depth story of two children belonging to two loving families when one passes away via a car accident and the other has a failing heart and needs a transplant.  The two children eventually match as donor and transplant recipient.  Additionally, this book relays a thorough history of the field of cardiothoracic surgery and transplantation.  You get a moving memoir and an education regarding the heart and its ability to be repaired, and transplanted!

Initially there is Keira who is about eight years old living in England in a rather large, close family.  When Keira and her mother and brother are in a dire car accident, it is apparent to a doctor at the scene of the crash that Keira quite possibly will not make it through this incident alive.   The doctor appearing on the scene implements Dr. James Styner's Advanced Trauma Life Support technique whereby there is a protocol for addressing trauma patients.  The technique involves knowing what can kill a patient first which is the list you go by when assessing trauma patients:  A is for Airway (is it blocked) B is for Breathing (is the chest rising and falling) C is for Circulation or (is the heart beating and pumping blood) D is for Disability (check for spinal fractures and immobilize body if necessary) and E is for Exposure (has the patient been exposed to prolonged periods of cold or heat).  Keira is given life sustaining measures until she can reach a children's Pediatric Intensive Care Unit.

We all know it is the precarious nature of life that causes a parent to not be able to shield a child from all the bad possibilities in life.  This is particularly true for Max, son of Paul and Emma Johnson, who around the age of eight begins losing weight, sustaining low energy levels, and having shortness of breath.  His parents are informed he has Dilated Cardiomyopathy - his heart is enlarged and is being attacked by a virus.  Eventually Max will require a drug known as Milrinone to increase the force of his heart muscle's pumping ability.  Also, Max will need a Left Ventricle Assist Device to help his heart circulate blood throughout his body.

Some interesting historical details in the book included:

1) 5 Liters of blood are pumped through the body every minute.

2) The Glasgow Coma Scale is the assessment of the level of consciousness of a trauma patient and it is measured from 3 to 15.  In this story Keira scores a three meaning no brain function. 15 meaning optimal brain function.

3) Heartbeats used to define the essence of life and over time physicians learned sustainable life requires brain function thus leading to the argument of whether to keep a patient on a ventilator or to opt for withdrawal of ventilation and potentially select organ donation.

4) Children spend two and a half times longer on a transplant waiting list than adults.

5) A heart transplant is considered palliative care and not a cure.  Average life span of patient receiving a transplanted heart is 14 years.

6) VAD (ventricle assist devices) help improve the force behind the heart muscle and its ability to pump blood.  

7) Heart-Lung machine was invented to take over function of the heart and lungs so a surgeon can make a repair to the heart.

8) The lungs function is gas exchange or removing carbon dioxide from the blood while replenishing red blood cells with fresh oxygen.

9) May 6th, 1953:  Dr. John Gibbons performs first open heart surgery with cardiopulmonary bypass machine.

10)  Brain death of a potential organ donor must be confirmed by two doctors replicating the result of each other's tests.

Eventually, we see Max agonizing in a PICU for months waiting on a potential heart transplant.  Keira's family decides to allow her to live on through donating her organs:  heart, lungs, liver, and kidneys. We see where for children the size of the transplanted organ is critical in terms of matching a donor with a recipient along with blood and tissue typing.   Keira is eventually moved to a theatre (operating room) and there is a moment of honor where all assisting in removal of organs reflect on generosity and cost to family of the donor patient.  Keira's heart is removed, placed in three sealed bags, and the heart is bathed in cardioplegia to not only stop the heart but to preserve it as well.  Keira's heart is then placed on ice in a cooler and a "go" team transports her heart to PICU where Max lies unconscious in an operating room awaiting the new donor heart.

There is a 25% chance Max will not even survive the transplant surgery so his parents know upon seeing him enter the operating room, they may have seen their son for the last time.  The heart is the first organ to form and usually at five weeks gestation.  Once Max's new heart is in place he is given a bombardment of intravenous steroids to keep his cells and body from attacking the newly transplanted  heart.  Some heart transplant patients suffer Hyperacute Rejection whereby a donor recipient's cells attack the newly transplanted heart with a 70% mortality rate.  The author does give a history of immunosuppressants, in particular, Cyclosporine which was found through a soil sample from Norway and considerably inhibits helper T cells from attacking the newly transplanted heart.  

The Organ Donation Act becomes law in the UK on May 20th, 2020 whereby instead of opting "in" for organ donation, trauma patients are assumed to be organ donors automatically unless they expressly want to opt out of organ donation.    In the first year after the new law, 296 patients in England donated organs which is about one-third of all total organ donations.  Each day in England over 200 children need some type of organ transplant and 50 of those are generally in need of a heart transplant.

Overall, this is one of the best, most thorough transplant memoirs I have ever read.  The unimaginable loss of a child from the donor family and the overwhelming anxiety of the transplant recipient's family are never underestimated.  After organs are extracted, Keira's body is returned to her family.  Max excels with his newly transplanted heart.  Max's story is covered widely by the media via The Mirror.  Both donor and donor recipient's family eventually connect and maintain close ties.  Joe and Loanna Ball, (Keira's parents) set up a charity for organ donation and also the same organization supports families who lose children and opt for organ donation.   Though this story did not take place in the United States it most definitely happens each year in the United States as well.  I do believe in the United States a person must opt, upon receiving a driver's license, whether to be an organ donor.  What a richly moving story and a compelling history of organ transplantation.  My hat's off to you Dr. Rachel Clarke!  Bravo!

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)

Review: Class: A Memoir Of Motherhood, Hunger, And Higher Education by Stephanie Land

 Dear Book Loves,

For this particular post I am reviewing the book, Class:  A Memoir Of Motherhood, Hunger, And Higher Education by Stephanie Land.  If you ever had a doubt how tough single moms are, this book will stifle that doubt.  Ms. Land writes openly and with emotional depth about the challenges of being a single mother and pursuing a degree in writing while parenting her six year old daughter, Emilia.

Not being a mom myself, I still found Ms. Land's writing compelling reading as I prefer memoirs about regular people as opposed to celebrity memoirs.  Ms. Land last wrote the memoir titled Maid:  Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother's Will to Survive a couple of years ago.  She related in that book how she became pregnant by an abusive boyfriend and decided to keep the child.  She has her own cleaning business whereby she cleans houses, businesses, gyms, etc. in order to make a living to support herself and her young daughter.  Remember, she tried working under someone else's house cleaning business, but then she decided she could control her schedule and make more money by having her own business located I believe in Seattle, Washington.  In the first book we see the author making the decision to pursue higher education in Montana and she and her daughter move to Missoula, Montana.

With the memoir titled Class:  A Memoir Of Motherhood, Hunger, And Higher Education, Ms. Land continues her story.  She and her daughter rent a portion of an older home, Ms. Land continues her cleaning business, and she is also adding the pursuit of a four  year degree to the mix.  Single motherhood finds her working tirelessly to juggle the pursuits of being a mom, a business owner, and a student.  We see her juggling five classes during her senior year of college.  Additionally, she is attempting to get an increase in child support from her daughter's father.  We see the rigors of dealing with a court system and a judge who value a father's earnings from his full-time job with overtime pay over her job cleaning houses, raising a daughter, and meeting the demands of collegiate reading, essays, reviews, and thesis papers.  Finding affordable child care is a major issue described in this book in that the costs are exorbitant even with having your own business, receiving child support, and utilizing food stamps.  

When Ms. Land's daughter turns six years of age, Ms. Land loses food stamp benefits for herself, but retains them for her daughter Emilia.  Many times the reader sees where food stamps barely cover the cost for grocery staples much less fresh fruit and vegetables.  Going for ice cream and getting a happy meal for your child are extravagances Ms. Land lives for and she will often go without food herself so that her daughter can eat what she likes.  At times this book is so raw and vivid that I found myself shocked and bewildered by all that Ms. Land tackles on a daily basis.   At one point she writes that her life motto is "My life may be relentless".  She is constantly chasing collegiate deadlines, a way to get her daughter to school in a timely fashion, cleaning homes, and hoping that her car starts each morning.  

And then there is health care.  When Ms. Land finds herself with a puncture wound in her leg during this book, she tries to treat it herself knowing that visiting a hospital ER is not a reality she can readily afford.  She does go to the college's student health center where she receives help cleaning the wound, Neosporin is applied to the wound, and she is sent home with a load of bandages.  Her instructions from the student health center are that if it gets worse head directly to the ER.  Though Ms. Land recovers without a trip to the ER, I find myself wondering what does it say about our country when a single mom with a puncture wound in her leg who works hard for a living and is trying to improve her life status via education, can only afford to be seen at a student health center as opposed to an actual ER?  There are a lot of moments like this in the book where I am shocked at the lack of assistance for this hardworking mother of a single child.

Also, child care is a major hurdle for Ms. Land.  Many times a friend or roommate will watch Emilia after she gets home from school each day.  In order for Emilia to attend day camp during the summer, Ms. Land barters with the day camp's owners by cleaning their facility in exchange for a discount on the cost of sending Emilia to camp daily.  And sometimes Ms. Land has to depend on the generous mindset of her professors who allow her to bring Emilia to class with her.  Why could the college not have offered a child care center for students who are also parents.  And why could it not be staffed by students pursuing a degree in early, middle, or high school education? Even better, what about a sliding pay scale for students like Ms. Land who are doing their best to raise a child, obtain a degree, and additionally run her own business? It leaves  you seeing where the gaps are in education, the family court system, and food stamp benefits.  Honestly, we have hospitals that offer child care for their staff so obviously, where there is a will there should be a way.  Are these benefits only for the wealthy members of our society?  

There is a big revelation and/or event in this book that I will not give away here.  In the final chapters of the book we see Ms. Land finishing her four year degree along with having $50,000 in student loans that she will have to start repaying six months after graduation unless she continues in a collegiate MFA program at another university.  Her first jobs are as a data entry clerk and she also obtains a paid YWCA internship. She does not explicitly say it, but I am sure she is still running her home cleaning business just to make ends meet.  Here's what I hope:  Ms. Land secures a spot in a phenomenal graduate school, she maintains a tenacious yet loving spirit, and she continues to show readers and the world the stamina it takes to be a single mother making a life for herself though the systems that rule her life are lacking in so many fundamental ways.

Till my next read,

Grace (Amy)  

Review: The Mango Tree: A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony by Annabelle Tometich

Dear Lit Loves,

This month I read the memoir, The Mango Tree:  A Memoir of Fruit, Florida, and Felony by Annabelle Tometich.  The interesting part of the opening of the book is that the reader thinks this is going to be a book about a daughter and her siblings who have to bail their mother out of jail because she shot at the car of a man who dared try and steal mangoes from the trees in her yard!  No.  This is a book about a quite complicated family.

This narrative revolves around the author learning to find herself through a childhood that was quite heartbreaking and precarious.  At one point, her father's mom lived with the family and the grandmother absolutely detested the girl's mother simply because she was someone from a foreign country.  Never mind that Annabelle Tometich's mother allowed her mother-in-law to move in with their family in order to help in her caretaking.  This is a mother with a generous and devoted heart who believes when it comes to family, helping is essential even if a relative is demeaning to you.

Next, we witness a young Annabelle coping with the fallout of her mother and father's explosive fights.  Her dad often leaves home and much of the parenting and household duties fall to Annabelle's mother, Josefina.  And then Annabelle learns that her father has died by suicide though she will tell others that her father died in a car accident just to avoid all the stigma that comes along with sharing that a family member has died via suicide.

The author has a contentious relationship with her mom who likes to save everything including broken crayons as she can place them in a balikbayan box to take with her on the next trip made to her home country because the relatives there have so little compared to the abundance the family enjoys in Fort Myers, Florida.  Also, the author's mom has a distinct problem hoarding just about everything especially VHS tapes and DVDs of various American television shows and movies.  Though Annabelle struggles to keep the house clean, her mom appears to prefer it in a catastrophic state. The truce:  live and let live.

Annabelle sees her mother in a whole different light when they take a trip to Manila.  While in Manila, Annabelle gets to see how her mother's extended family lives quite poorly.  The family in Manila is thankful just to have a roof over the heads and food on the table.  Annabelle sees what it is like living in a desolate, poor area of the world where her mom essentially raised her siblings.  Her mother brings all the balikbayan boxes with her for her relatives and is generous with her time, money, and profound love. 

At one point, life becomes wo overwhelming for Annabelle's mom that she insists they are going to leave Fort Myers, Florida and move to Manila.  In order to prevent this, Annabelle must start helping her mom with getting her brother and sister to school, cooking, cleaning, and mowing the yard.  

Finally, the reader sees Annabelle go off to college in Florida and befriend people while attending a university.  She loves college life so much that she actually stays year-round at the university.  This part of the book speaks to the point of how we are unable to choose are biological family, but once we are adults, we can choose who we would like to have in our lives that we treat as family.  

Young Annabelle works in the food industry, as a journalist, and by the end of the book, we find Annabelle with her own family at a neighborhood party.  When she overhears someone telling the story of how a local woman shot what I believe was a BB gun at a man who was on her property stealing mangoes, Annabelle claims and defends her mom for the strong, independent woman she is and for how much of those same qualities her mother, Josefina, has helped her to also acquire.

What a heartbreaking and dynamic memoir.  I found myself at times having to put this book down due to some of the big issues tackled in the book.  In the end, I found myself relating to the author in that we all come from dysfunctional families and we are defined by them in ways both positive and negative.

A solid, eloquent, and emotionally moving memoir.

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)

Review: The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese

 Dear Lit Loves,

Hi.  So this month someone in my book club decided we should read The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese.  And then one of the members brought a copy of the book and set it down on our round table.  Personally, I took one look at the seven hundred page tome and just completely lost my desire to even read the book.  Seriously, a thick, long book can be as intimidating as a white, blank page.  For a week I let my copy of the book just sit on my sofa table.  I gave it dirty looks and a side grin which means I am really not happy about someone or something.  I considered just reading someone's Cliff Notes on the book and not even attempting to read the book itself.   Then my conscience got the best of me.  Read the dang book, already!  At least I might be able to declare who my favorite character is to my book club and explain why.

It took me three weeks to read The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese.  The entire story revolved around a young girl in India who is twelve being sent to marry someone she has never even met.  Oh, and the girl's future husband is forty years old!  Just that concept alone brought fire to my veins.  The book takes place in Kerala.  And I must say that the only information I had on the author was that he in some way is involved in medicine which explained why in this one Indian family, there is a condition causing someone to die in each generation. And each death was explained in detail.  And the death is usually associated with water and drowning.  The parts of the book about medicine and acoustic neuromas were detailed expertly.  

Suffice it to say, I did read the book.  I also felt like throwing the book across the room at various points while reading it.  There were just so many characters weaving in and out of the story throughout the entirety of the book.  The author definitely underscored India's caste system.  I did not like the caste system prior to reading this book and I thoroughly detest it after reading the book.  Also, the author began using words from the Indian language throughout the plot and it just made me frustrated as a reader.  You ask me to read a seven hundred page book and then begin using words from a language I do not know and it requires me to Google each word?!  I thought that was asking a lot of the reader.

What was the book about?  Family.  Our biological family and then those who we chose to treat as ourbi family.  It involved what we inherit from our biological family members and oftentimes what we choose to give or how we treat those in one's biological family as well as one's "chosen" family.  Also, the book revolved around what parents will sacrifice for their children.  For example, if you knew you had a disease that could be contracted by your child, would you stay and expose them to the harmful, disfiguring effects of the disease and let the child experience how a society can ostracize people because of their illness/conditions?  Or, would you feel that for the child's sake, you might decide to choose to leave and let them be raised by someone else such that the child will never inherit a disease that will disfigure them and cause them to be shunned from society?  Perplexing and heavy questions for sure.

Overall, this book made me really thankful I do not live in a country revolving around a caste system. The book made me reflect on my own decision not to have children due to the inheritable diseases I have that could be passed on to a child.  Finally, the book enabled me to reflect upon all the sacrifices that were made by my own parents for me and my sibling.  And the book truly made me think about why even in the United States, people have family that deliberately choose to not show up for other family members during times of serious distress and duress.  I have witnessed this first hand and have been on the receiving end of being shunned, ignored by family for various reasons.  And the very people who shun their family call themselves Christians?  How does that work?  It is a real dagger to the heart when anyone shuns you, but especially when your own flesh and blood shun you because they do not find you "acceptable" according to their standards.  

This book and the various characters and events were quite triggering for me as a reader.  I think maybe some books should come with a warning label if some of the events in the book are particularly distasteful or graphic.  I know I will be wary about whether I recommend this book or not as I am undecided on a rating for it.  The writing was beautiful, but the events were quite tragic.  Upon finishing the book, I simply felt a sense of relief and to this day I still cannot say I would wholeheartedly endorse this book to my family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.  And I will be quite interested in how members of the book club I belong to felt about the book and if they read it or listened to it in its entirety.

Till my next read,

Grace (Amy)

Review: The Wives: A Memoir by Simone Gorrindo

 Dear Lit Loves,

Happy Summer!  First, thanks to whoever the 37,616 people are who have viewed this blog for one reason or another!  I only have a couple of blog followers, but I reference this blog quite often on Goodreads in relation to the book reviews I write.  As opposed to retype this or other reviews on Goodreads, I simply refer people to this blog site noting the date and book review title.  So thanks to whoever is reading this blog because Blogger, Goodreads, and LinkedIn are about the only social media I commit to as I am a particularly private person.  

At the beginning of May 2024 either someone I know or a prompt from Goodreads led me to investigate this new memoir being released called The Wives:  A Memoir by Simone Gorrindo.  Since the synopsis led me to understand this would be a book about life in the military from a wife's perspective, I was ready for a gripping read from the start.  How many books do you see about what military life is like from a female or wife's perspective?  I have not seen many so as a strong feminist this book intrigued me. Like, why did someone not think of writing about this sooner?!!!

Basically you have a couple, Simone and Andrew, who both come from California.  Simone attended Columbia and Andrew studied the classics at a liberal arts college somewhere near Annapolis.  Simone lands a great job in New York as an editor/writer while Andrew tries out for the Olympics and is fascinated by martial arts.  It did not come as a surprise that Andrew might one day seek a career in the military seeing as how his mother found a drawing in his childhood room that read, "I Love WWII".  

This decision of Andrew joining the military is a struggle for Simone.  Even in couples therapy, Andrew states he just might choose the military over Simone!  (I think this was just Andrew expressing his passion at the time, but the statement would have made me think twice about the relationship).  Andrew and Simone do eventually get married and move to Columbus, Georgia where Andrew will be training for Special Operations, going for the title of Army Ranger, and deploying for missions from Fort Benning.  If you've never been to Columbus, Georgia, it is no buzzing metropolis like New York so I wondered how Simone would fit in with fellow wives of officers and trainees.   The first good sign is Andrew and Simone find a 1300 square foot home to rent and Andrew buys Simone a writing desk so she can continue pursuing her editing and writing career.  

And from this point the reader gets an insider's view of life as a military spouse.  You first learn that while deployed or training, the spouse is essentially running the household including finances, vehicles, kids, school, health care, recreation, and some spouses have their own part-time jobs.  Fortunately, Simone meets what I believe is her closest confidante during this experience in the form of Rachel, who lives across the street and whose husband is also leaving for training.  In fact, Rachel helps Simone furnish her home by just taking the time to go furniture and thrift shopping with Simone.  (Rachel is impressive when it comes to decorating and she is a sincere friend to Simone).  This becomes even more important as the friends Simone had while living in New York often fade away over the span of the book.

The reader  is invited into the first meeting of all the spouses which is held in a large facility.  This is where they learn that they will be responsible for running "life" on the home turf while their husbands are away from home.  They also learn to which Unit their husbands are assigned and also that there is an FRG (family readiness group) for each military unit. Each spouse will be assigned someone to call in the event of a military red alert.   This is also the group that will alert fellow spouses via a phone tree when someone is injured on a mission or a mission changes in any manner.  Spouses learn that they are not to disclose anything about their husband's duties or especially missions and to be aware when on the phone with their spouses that the deployed individual is unable to answer any direct questions regarding their whereabouts, who is with them, or any portion of the mission activities.  

Slowly, but surely the reader sees Simone venturing outside of her comfort zone.  She meets other wives and through Facebook and other social media is able to surmise quite a bit about their lives, values, and beliefs.  Simone quickly realizes that many of the wives are younger than she is and she realizes she has had the privilege of a college education.  Never does Simone come across to me as thinking she is better than others because of her education.  She is quite quick to pick up on some of the more adverse events transpiring in military families such as alcohol overconsumption, volatility, and the frequency of weapons available in homes.  She observes some of the more harsh realities that can occur in military spousal relationships and directly witnesses one couple explode at a social event, but Simone still comes across as open-minded and sincere in her efforts to get to know other spouses and blend into the military community.  

This book demonstrates beautifully what the scene is like when spouses are awaiting the return of their loved one who is deployed.  And there are differences in Andrew when he returns from training or mission deployment.  For example, the fascination with war movies, drinking more than usual, trouble sleeping, taking on a new habit, and more explicit verbiage than normal.  It takes time for a spouse's loved ones to decompress from missions as one can only imagine what it is like being thrown together with other men in small quarters for weeks or months on end.  To me as a reader, Andrew always seemed to eventually return to his polite disposition and deep care for Simone.  At one point in the book, it's moving in that Simone discovers Andrew crying alone after a particularly harsh mission environment or events.  

There is a tug of war between Simone and Andrew when it comes time for him to re-enlist or re-sign once his contract is ending.  And once Simone becomes pregnant she is even more aware of what life might be like if Andrew were seriously injured or mortally wounded in combat.  Actually, at times in the book it appeared as if Simone suffered from some small form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as she would often drive around her community so many times to make sure no notification officers were coming to her door or when she feels that she must listen to a song on the radio until its ending no matter if she has already reached her destination.  No doubt life for the wives holding down the home-front can be overwhelming, lonely, and worrisome.  In the end Simone learns what a first sergeant's wife advised her from the time she first arrived in Columbus, Georgia which is "You just do it."  You know life in the military comes with its fair share of hardships and rewards.  As a couple or family, you keep going during the tough times and lean on your military community during stressful times when you most likely will not have blood relations with you; you have the family that you choose for yourself during a military contract period.

I loved the ending when Simone and Andrew are expecting their first child, Fiona.  Andrew takes to being a father like a fish to water.  Simone takes her time getting used to being a mother.  The couple continue couples therapy throughout the book and it's interesting to see the therapist suggest to Andrew that not only will Simone want to know what is happening with him emotionally after a mission, it would be nice if Andrew nicely asked about how she made it through life while he was deployed.    Marriage:  A constant give and take. 

I think this book is part coming of age, part love story, part military initiation, and ultimately, what not only the deployed sacrifice for their country and family, but what the spouses sacrifice as well.   I think it speaks widely to the theme of:  bloom where you are planted and the idea that sometimes we find ourselves in environments and situations whereby its best if we choose who our "family" really is.  And learning to "choose" a family for yourself is not always the easiest thing to do.

This is a great read.  I have been reading the memoir genre for many moons and I can tell you that I have not come across one that addresses this subject matter from a female perspective and is especially well-written and meaningful.  It is a five star book from my perspective.  I think it is definitely worth a read by everyone, military and non-military.

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)

Review: Between Two Trailers: A Memoir by J. Dana Trent

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings!  Yes I know it's been a long hot minute since I posted a memoir review, but in my defense, I wait till a memoir is released that speaks to me personally before I ever buy it.  As in, there is something in that particular memoir that I can identify with, learn from, and for which I can empathize.  

Sometimes as a simple weed in a field of social media mass sunflowers, or in more forthright terms, as a non-traditionally published writer among big league memoir writers with ginormous social media followings, I feel like there is no literary agent who I will ever appeal to or a traditional publisher that will get behind any one of my manuscripts.  (And then I put some Joan Jett on the stereo and rock the hell out for an hour till I feel better).  Interestingly, while I was perusing Goodreads in early January of this year, I came upon a memoir giveaway written by a gal who teaches right here in North Carolina!  Shock!  Hold on, let me catch my breath here, Henry!  It is always so mind-blowing when this happens that you would almost think I was in the midst of a heart attack.  Bare with me here, folks!

I came upon a memoir by J. Dana Trent, a world religion and critical thinking professor at Wake Technical Community College living here in Raleigh, North Carolina.  I read the synopsis of the book which revealed that she was a preschooler when she began helping her schizophrenic father to cut up weed and fill small bags to sell while her mother suffers from personality disorders and extreme self-absorption.  Yet somehow Ms. Trent was able to make it through a traumatic life to get a divinity degree from Duke University.  I was intrigued.  Full Stop.  I had to read the book because this woman has got a story or stories that are about as unusual as my own.  Thankfully, Ms. Trent's book, Between Two Trailers:  A Memoir was picked up by a traditional publisher.  Hallelujah!  Someone from my neck of the woods finally broke through the steel doors of agents and publishers!!!  

Trent's dad, known as King and her mom, known as Lady met while they both worked in a mental health facility.  He was a recreational therapist and her mom was a psychiatric nurse.  As a child Ms. Trent grew up helping with her dad's drug operation while mom guarded the stash and the cash.  And to beat it all, a good portion of the story takes place in small town Dana, Indiana.  Her father is always on the move whether it involves his trade or imparting wisdom to Ms. Trent and her cousins on midnight bicycle rides through the town of  Dana, Indiana. 

And then right out of the blue one day, the Lady decides she and Dana are leaving Indiana and going to where she has family in Ocean Isle, North Carolina.  Little did Dana know that this was the beginning of the dissolution of her parents' marriage and the unthreading of her time and closeness with her dad. And somehow through sheer tenacity, Lady and Dana make it to an apartment in Chapel Hill where she and her mom attend weekly therapy sessions.  Her mom, Lady, also works briefly as a nurse in our local area. To me,  J. Dana Trent oftentimes felt like the adult in this family even when she was just a little girl trying to take care of herself.  And yet somehow even amidst this haphazard life, this young woman graduates from Salem College and then Duke Divinity School!  

To say this book is one wild ride would be an understatement.  On numerous occasions I was touched by how much fortitude J. Dana Trent displayed and even with mentally ill parents, she still tried to take care of them.  In this book you see how the drug trade took hold of places like Dana, Indiana or flyover country as she often calls it.  The reader most definitely sees mental illness in action through the behaviors and mannerisms of Ms. Trent's parents.  The toll anxiety can take on a person with a twisted life at home and the pressures of college is quite accurately displayed in this book as well.  

There are some real laugh out loud moments too particularly when Trent's father, King, starts laying down the rules of life to Dana and her cousins.  (Her dad reminded me of my grandfather....a real pistol!)  I was just simply amazed that this woman lived to tell her story.  And there might be hope for another outlier like me to one day tell my stories on a bigger stage as well.  

After reading a book like this, sometimes I just feel like if I could have lunch with this writer, I would ask her did she ever wonder why, aside from her uncle, cousins, and grandparents, no one else like a teacher or guidance counselor or social services never appeared to pick up on the tragedy that was occurring in her life?  Was she ever worried that she would develop severe mental illness given her mom and dad's diagnoses?  And finally, because I lost my last parent recently, how did going back to Dana, Indiana later in life give her a sense of healing?  Going back to my roots leaves me devastated like someone ripped off the copper stitches holding my chest together after open-heart surgery.

Simply, this is and was a must read book for me.  And I am so happy someone in publishing realized how valuable Ms. Trent's story is and took the time and effort to support Ms. Trent in revealing her story to the world.  This is a must read, five star book for me.

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)  

Dear NC Dept. Of Education: It Only Takes A Year Of Teaching In NC To Kill A Desire To Make It A Career

 Dear Lit Loves,

I see from recent subject matter on my local television station that Tom Tomlinson, Senior Director of North Carolina's Department of Public Instruction's Office of Educator Preparation and Licensure, wants to know why we have first year teachers in NC leaving in droves.  Ten thousand teachers left the classrooms of North Carolina in 2023.  This is the highest amount in two decades and it runs across every subject matter.  And you want to know why they are leaving?  Get in the trenches with them and discover why.  For that matter, read my book, Brave Soul Rising:  Tales From The Trenches of An Uncharmed Life written under my pen name, Grace Sutherlin. In case that does not help in understanding why teachers are leaving, I will go ahead and list why this North Carolina educator gave up on teaching publicly and privately in the state of North Carolina:

 1) Teacher Pay Is A Joke.

 2) Lack of basic school security measures.

 3) Overwhelming extra demands on my time.

 4) Teacher Morale Is Low.

 5) Honestly, who wants to risk getting shot while on the job?

 6) Principals who cannot address delinquent student behavior for two weeks.

 7) Having to eat lunch with a room full of students.

 8) Number of credits needed for continued teacher licensure.

 9) No Bonus Money If Your Students Perform At A High Level On Tests.

10) Lack of instructional materials for every student and teacher supplies.

11) School buildings falling apart and potentially exposing staff to  harmful substances.                                                    

12) Lack of cleanliness inside and around the school.

13) Gangs entering school buildings and cafeterias illegally.

14) Serious lack of mentorship:  the only time I interacted with my teaching mentor came when I was being evaluated on my instructional methods.

15) My car getting keyed while parked on a school campus.

16) Students not getting to school due to transportation issues.

17) Apathetic parents and guardians.

18) Principals who forget what it is like to be in the classroom.

19) I can start in another career choice at a salary in the range of six figures.

20) Lack of respect.

21) Having to request someone to cover my classes in order to visit the restroom.

Is this enough for you Mr. Tomlinson? Oh, if you think virtual instruction is the answer to the NC teacher retention problem, I also have swamp land you can buy down in Florida, ya hear?!  

                Best,

                Amy R. Schmukler also known as Grace Sutherlin (pen name).                                                                                                                                     

              

           

                 

                                     

Review: The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters during Life's Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos, RN

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings!  And I am finally returning to review a recently released memoir written by a hospice nurse entitled The In-Between:  Unforgettable Encounters during Life's Final Moments by Hadley Vlahos.  So why did I select this book to read:  I recently lost my mother to stage four esophageal cancer adenocarcinoma.  Mom moved in with me and my brother as the local hospice facilities had no beds available.

I do not know if I could ever take on the career of a hospice nurse.  To me, hospice nurses have to change their schedules at a moment's notice should one of their home-bound patients have an emergency.  Also, I hate meeting people under circumstances in which one of their beloved is knocking at death's door.  I have to commend Hadley Vlahos for her career efforts as she handles the job requirements and raises a son as a single mom.  

No one really likes to talk about death until BOOM!  It is staring you in the face and you do not have a choice.  Thanks to the hospice nurses that took care of my mom, I now know that even if a loved one chooses to die at home, there is always a transitioning phase for those dying.  For my mom, it was when she started to lose control of bodily functions and there came a point where even if I was speaking directly to her, there was a mystical haze in her eyes.  

Interestingly, those who are in the active phase of dying often are "seeing" loved ones or people who have already died before them.  Seriously,  my brother and I witnessed this with our dad at the hospital.  Right out of the blue one evening, dad started speaking to his younger brother, John, who according to dad was right beside his hospital bed.  Dad carried on a full conversation with his brother.  I just listened.

There also came a point when I witnessed my dad bargaining with God.  Dad really wanted to remain here with us, enjoy retirement, and ensure his youngest physically and mentally disabled sister was well-cared for through her lifespan.  Additionally, I have also witnessed what Hadley Vlahos speaks about when she says people who are actively dying can often predict something that will happen in the near future.  For example, one day I arrived at my dad's hospital room and he quite clearly directed me to go locate and secure a lot more chairs for the hospital room.  He said, "There are a lot of people coming and we need to be ready."  I kept asking him who was coming and he said, "Family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, etc."  It was a week later that dad died and our church was filled to the rafters and sure enough, ushers had to go find additional chairs.  

Does everyone residing with or at a hospice die at peace?  Mostly, but not all do.  My dad simply drifted away while we were in his hospice room.  In other examples, Nurse Vlahos witnesses someone under her care who basically "bleeds out" when dying.  My own mom was always trying to find a way to sit or lie in order to feel comfortable.  And trust me, it is very difficult as a family member to administer pain meds to your own mother.  No one has to spell it out for you:  those meds are to assist with the pain during the active dying process.  Is their a death rattle at the end of life:  Yes, but not all patients exhibit it.  My dad's death involved labored breathing and an eerie death rattle.  My mom just appeared at peace in her final moments almost as if she had just decided to lie down and take a nap.

I think one of the most important aspects in the book is that no one die alone.  Hearing is the last sense to go.  You can talk to the dying person and they quite possibly can hear you, but may not be able to respond to you.  Nurse Vlahos knows eventually she will lose each of her patients.  Until then, she visits with them, learns from them, advises them, and assists the rest of the family with processing the death.  

One of the most poignant moments in the book is when Nurse Vlahos is assigned to care for a patient who is homeless.  He lives in a tent under a highway or bridge along with other homeless folks.  It was touching to know that Nurse Vlahos went out of her way to help this man obtain food, medicine, and even someone who could contact her should this hospice patient need her.  Trust me, it is a privilege to be present with someone as they are leaving this world for whatever is next.  And when you lose your final parent, I can tell you with absolute certainty, you life will be forever changed.  And with that kind of change, a son or daughter will grieve at their own pace and in their own way.  

I highly recommend this book especially for readers who do not know of hospice or those who have told me they are frightened of hospice.  These are the folks who are the specialists.  They deal with death each day and continue to help folks who are transitioning from this life to whatever you believe comes next.  

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)

Review: Go As A River: A Novel by Shelley Read

 Dear Lit Loves,

April's selection for the book club I belong to is Go As A River:  A Novel by Shelley Read.  Let me just say from the outset that it is based on a young woman who grows up on a peach farm in Iola, Colorado.  Iola, Colorado in this book, is a real place in Gunnison County, CO.  And the town was flooded to make way for the Blue Mesa Reservoir.  Interestingly, now that this part of Colorado is currently experiencing significant drought, the town of Iola, CO can once again be seen or remnants of it at least.

This is a sweeping book centered around Victoria Nash, a seventeen year old young woman, who resides on a peach farm in Iola, Colorado with her father and brother, Seth.  Her mom, an aunt, and a cousin died when she was twelve in an accident.  It shook the family to lose so many at one time.  Now, Victoria has basically become the caretaker of the home, garden, and family.  

When Victoria meets Wilson Moon by happenstance in town one day, she realizes quickly that he is a Native American and unlike her, he makes his home wherever he goes.  The folks in Iola, CO do not particularly care for Wilson Moon mainly due to prejudice and surely not because anyone other than Victoria has taken the time to get to know him.  Victoria grew up helping her family raise peaches on their orchard.   A rather interesting woman named Ruby Alice Akers lives near them, but most people are scared of her because she lives alone and rarely speaks to anyone.  Interestingly, she becomes one of the characters I most liked in the book!  

When Victoria decides to take off in search of Wilson Moon, she finds him and then also finds herself in a predicament whereby she has to decide whether to bring shame upon her family or leave and live on her own for several months.  In the meantime, Wilson Moon is killed and Victoria's brother, Seth seems to know quite a bit about how it happened.  There is really no full scale investigation into the death and who is responsible. 

Victoria finds herself living in a camping hut in the mountains, giving birth to a son, and trying to keep her baby and herself alive.  Eventually, Victoria becomes desperate and makes a decision that impacts her life and that of her baby forever.  And the remainder of the book basically is a rendering of what happens to Victoria, her baby, her remaining family, and the peach farm.

There were times I had to put this book down and just stop reading.  Some of the events were difficult to read about and periodically the book became emotionally overwhelming.  Generally, that is the sign of a good author.  A lot of readers pointed out the themes in the book as being the concept of "home" and can you really ever go back "home"?  Others pointed to the concept of displacement due to the uprooting of many families once Iola, CO was to become a reservoir.  The topic of prejudice is front and center in this book. 

Personally, I thought the book showcased the impact and significance of daily decisions as well as monumental decisions.  Decisions have consequences and in this book several major decisions effect the life trajectory of Victoria and her son along with a family who finds Victoria's son and decides to raise him as their own.  The ending of the book is heartbreaking.  And for me there were questions that are left unanswered at the conclusion of the book so if you like a tidy ending to a novel, this is not a book where that occurs.  

I gave the book four stars out of five.  I am not a reader who likes a lot of poetic, frilly description. This author paints a portrait for you in terms of the landscape and people. For many readers that is what makes a book beautiful for them.  For me, it is the content and plot of the story that either make or break the book for me.   And right in the middle of this book, when Victoria is moving to a new town and having her family's peach trees transplanted to a new farm, I just felt there was a lull in the plot. Otherwise, this book proved to be a much better read than I was expecting.

I would definitely recommend this book.  Be aware that there are triggers in this book particularly around death, prejudice, and war.  

Til my next review,

Grace (Amy) 

Review: The Last Carolina Girl: A Novel by Meagan Church

 Dear Lit Loves,

Okay beautiful people, I have an excellent book I am reviewing today and up until now, I had never heard of this book.  This just goes to show you that if you happen to be on Amazon and are buying a book, take a look at the "similar reads" suggestions once you scroll through the book you are currently buying. That is exactly how I located The Last Carolina Girl, a novel, by Meagan Church.  

Meagan Church is a Midwesterner by birth and achieved an undergraduate degree in English from Indiana University.  Currently, Ms. Church resides here in my native state, North Carolina.  Wonder why it is that so many Midwesterners appear to love North Carolina?  Seriously.  I married a Midwesterner from Illinois and am constantly meeting people from that area of the country.  Interestingly, on our local news this week, it was reported that only fifty-two percent of people who reside in the state of North Carolina were actually born here.  Native North Carolinians are becoming rare.  

The Last Carolina Girl, a novel, grabbed my attention because it is a story about a fourteen-year-old girl named Leah Payne who resides with her dad near Holden Beach, N.C.  Leah's mom died while giving birth to Leah.  It is just Leah and her dad residing in a small house behind the home of Mr. and Mrs. Barna.  Mr. Barna is a local business owner and he employs Leah's dad to help with his local store and his land.  Mr. and Mrs. Barna have a son named Jesse who walks to school with Leah each day.  And there is Tulla, who takes on the role of primary caretaker of the household.  

One day Leah is blinded by adverse news regarding her father and the Barnas let her stay with them until the state can find a home for Leah.  Interestingly, during Leah's brief stay with the Barnas, Leah and Jesse become good friends.  Jesse goes with Leah to visit her mother's grave and adorn it with shells from the beach.  Each year when Leah had a birthday, her father and she would always plant a tree in honor of her mother.  When Leah learns the state of North Carolina has found a new home for her, Mr. Barna and she travel to Matthews, N.C. to meet the Griffin family.  

The Griffin family is composed of Mr. and Mrs. Griffin and three kids, Eva Jane, Michael Henry, and Mary Anne.  Leah has anxiety about meeting her new family.  Mr. Barna heads back to Holden Beach, N.C. and Leah gets truly worried when Mrs. Griffin shows her to her room which is outside the house and described as a closet off the main kitchen.  There is only enough room for a bed and a mattress.  When Leah realizes the Griffins will not be referring to her as family, but as a "helpmate" for Mrs. Griffin, her hopes of finding a family are dashed.  Leah finds herself tasked with cooking, cleaning, styling hair, acting as a host, and keeping a garden outside.  She is seen among Mrs. Griffin's friends as the family servant.  At age fourteen, Leah no longer goes to school once she joins the Griffin family.

What Leah does not know is that there is more going on with The Griffin family than she knows, and there is a reason why she was sent to live with this particular family.  Leah finds herself helping Mrs. Griffin host teas and lectures by a local physician.  The truth about Leah's true relationship to the Griffin family is brought to life after a catastrophic medical event at which point Leah's life is changed forever and she just wishes to return to live with the Barna family as she has been exchanging letters with Jesse, the Barna's son, while she lives with the Griffins.  

What stood out to me about this story?  First, we all have a biological family of blood relations and then we have a family of our choice.  There is nothing we can do to change who we are related to via birth.  You might not like this aunt or that uncle.  And you like me have probably thought on more than one occasion, how in the heck am I and this cousin even related?  Leah's family includes her mom, dad, and other members she has not yet been told are actually a part of her biological family.  The Barna family including Jesse and Tulla I would say are Leah's family of choice.  She would rather reside with them and call them her "family".   It is quite apparent how the two families differ in this book and why the Barnas are her family of choice.

Next, Leah is a young girl who has spunk, hope, and spirit though she has already in her young life endured a whole lot of tragedy.  Leah loves living with just her father and the wayward cat named Maeve in a ramshackle house along the Carolina coast.  Leah even plants her own garden where she grows food for she and her dad.  The sad part is that it is actually someone who is part of her biological family that she does not know she is related to, who breaks her spirit of hope.  And it's always what I call bad "juju" to be someone who is responsible for breaking another individual's hope, spirit, and joy for life.  And what makes it more hurtful is if the spirit-breaker is someone you are biologically related to who should have your best interests at heart. (Not always the case.)

Finally, there was this effort, particularly in Southern states, to push what was dubbed by some medical specialists to be "Eugenics".   Eugenics refers to an effort by a group of like-minded people who think that individuals who are mentally disabled, handicapped, emotionally-challenged, and poor are also deemed "unfit".  Subsequently, some individuals who fit those characteristics were sterilized such that they could never procreate or produce children of their own.  And this is such a disastrous, heinous act in our history as a country.  It is like, "Who died and appointed this group of people better or more fit to then judge another person's suitability to have children of their own?!!"  Honestly, I think well over seven thousand people who fit these characteristics living in the state of North Carolina at the time were subsequently sterilized when Eugenics was deemed legitimate in the state of North Carolina.  What in heavens name were they thinking?  And why??

This is quite a touching story.  I would definitely read the study guide questions at the end of the book if this book is part of a book club selection.  It will make you think about who you consider your family of choice versus your biological family.  Were you ever a person who contributed to the belittlement of another person?  Do you think you or someone you know were ever responsible for breaking someone's spirit?  And what do you think about our country's history of Eugenics?  What did the concept of Eugenics say about our medical system and society at large during this part of U.S. history?

I highly recommend this book.  

Best,

Grace (Amy)

Book Review: Our Missing Hearts: A Novel by Celeste Ng

Dear Lit Loves,

Hi!  I am now trying to return to the normal events of my life such as my book club after spending the majority of 2023 losing my mother and helping to administer her estate.   

The book club I attend selected Our Missing Hearts by Celeste Ng.  Mrs. Ng is quite a popular author.  She attended college at Harvard and obtained her MFA from The University of Michigan.  Her previous books included the award-winning Little Fires Everywhere and Everything I Never Told You if my memory serves me correctly.  

Interestingly, Mrs. Ng usually writes literary fiction and in this novel, Our Missing Hearts, she writes in the Dystopian genre which I personally do not read.  Actually, this is the first book I have read in that genre as my preferred genre is non-celebrity memoir.  Dystopian is writing about a fictional society that is under duress of some kind based on the definition I located via a dictionary in my home office.  Interestingly, in this book it revolves around the United States having gone through an economic downturn due to the policies and economics of another country, in this case China.  As a result, a senator brings forth a policy called PACT or Preserving American Cultures and Traditions. 

PACT causes targeting of a specific ethnicity in the country.  And if the authorities deem that you in any way are unpatriotic or protesting against PACT, individuals and families can have their children removed or "replaced" into other homes deemed more wholesomely patriotic.  Obviously, this leads to protests, discrimination, separation of children from their parents, and a particular group of people in the United States being looked upon unfavorably.  And some individuals lose their lives due to protesting PACT.

Essentially, you have a mom (Margaret) and her husband, (Ethan), who have a son named (Noah Gardner).  Margaret is Chinese American and writes poetry.  Because many people protesting the concept of PACT utilize her poetry containing the line "Our Missing Hearts", she becomes the target of authorities who ban her books in libraries.  Because Margaret does not want to endanger her son, Noah, who she calls "Bird", she and Ethan decide it is best that she leave them so as not to create any danger to either of them, but particularly Noah (Bird).  

Margaret leaves the family and Ethan takes Noah to a new home where they live in a dorm on a university campus where Ethan works in the library.  Noah (Bird) is exposed to some of the demonstrations and protests against PACT, and he even has a friend in school named Sadie, who was taken from her biological parents and "replaced" in a home deemed more patriotic.  And then Sadie disappears.   Mostly, Noah's father tries to shield him from the protests, violence, and repercussions that are occurring due to PACT as well as the hatred directed at those of Chinese-American descent.

Meanwhile, librarians across the US are trying to help find missing children who have been "replaced" by leaving notes or helpful information in library books which are then recirculated to other libraries. When Margaret leaves the family, she goes to find one of her closest friends in New York named Duchess or "Domi".  Margaret sets out on a quest to tell the stories of the missing, "replaced" children.

Meanwhile, Noah (Bird) receives what he believes is a letter from his mom and without telling his dad, ventures to an address in the letter hoping to be reunited with his mom. He finds his mom's friend, Domi, who then reunites him briefly with his mom, Margaret.  And the stories of the "replaced" children gets heard by many in quite an unusual manner which then alters the lives of Ethan, Noah, Domi, and Ethan's lost friend, Sadie. (No giveaways about the ending).

From my research of reviews of this book, readers either loved it or weren't impressed by it.  There were a handful of reviewers that felt the book was okay but missing the prolific characterization skills Celeste Ng used in her previous books.  Now, I am not a fan of literary fiction.  I am not impressed by frilly, sing-song descriptions, and I like books that teach me or expose me to a reality that I can learn from.  Personally, I liked the book.  I did not think it was too long nor did I think I could not get a feel for each character.  And even with the lyrical prose I still finished the book.  Here's what stood out to me about the book:

1)  Discrimination.  The proliferation of discrimination against people of a certain ethnicity because their birth country caused our country great distress.  And what if a leader or leaders in our country tried to pass a law that would cause individuals to lose their children if they were deemed unpatriotic or if their writing, art, and career involved reporting on or showing both sides of how one policy adversely effects a specific group of people in our country?  It is scary to think about and I kept wondering throughout the book, who decides which folks are espousing unpatriotic sentiments so profusely that it warrants removing their children from them??  And what about if the PACT policy causes a group of people to be targeted as "less than" and then they are subsequently mistreated?  

2)  Parents.  This book demonstrated how far a parent is willing to go to protect their child or children.  Margaret decided to leave her family because her poetry was being used in ANTI-PACT demonstrations.  She just walked away on her own.  Other parents who were maybe covering PACT via the news expressing both the pros and cons of PACT would suddenly have their children removed from their home with no idea where their children are going.  The biological parents just know the child or children are being "replaced" to another home deemed more worthy because that family fully supports PACT and does not espouse unpatriotic or ideas against PACT.   Our country already has a long history of families being broken apart by slavery, boarding schools for Indigenous children, and foster care. What happens to parents and children when their biological family is disassembled? Will they ever recover from such an action?

3)  Power of One Person To Make A Difference.  The mother in this story, Margaret, decides to tell the stories of children who have been taken from their parents due to PACT.  She no longer has her family and many protesters of PACT have lost their lives demonstrating against it.  Many of those who express discontent against PACT use her poetry in their protests. Who will tell the country and world about that individual who lost his/her life for speaking out against PACT? Or who will even tell the story of a child or children who have been removed from their biological family and "replaced" with another family?  Margaret uses research, voice, and craftiness to honor those lost or "replaced" due to PACT by telling their stories.

Though I am most likely not going to suddenly become a fan of the Dystopian genre, this book made me think and consider the "what ifs" of laws implemented in our country due to policymakers and our government.  And it really makes me want to examine and know more about our government representatives before I vote to put them in office.

I would most definitely recommend this book particularly in this election year.

Best,

Grace (Amy)

Real Life Recollection: When A Pastor Refuses To Speak With Your Dying Mom

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings.  I do not have a book review ready to post today.  There is nothing in the world of publishing I want to rant or rave about.  If I did have something to say about publishing it is this:  why is it necessary for a writer/author to have thousands of followings on social media or be present on every form of social media in order to get published?  Some writers like me do not engage with social media because I view it as vain, intrusive, and it adversely affects my health.  No joke.  Some writers do not engage in social media because a relative works in a field whereby abstaining from social media is part of your job.

Interestingly, a relative of mine recently told me if I needed thousands of followers to land a literary agent or publishing deal, it would not be a problem.  My relative is so internet savvy he/she can make it look like I have more than the current eight followers and also show thousands of views of my blog.  I replied, "No, I am remaining truthful.  If Algonquin Books never recognizes the writer sitting in their backyard with many meaningful manuscripts on her computer, well, so be it."

No.  I'm not going there today.  What lays heavy on my heart is the upcoming one-year anniversary of witnessing my mother's death.  She was my last parent as I had already lost my dad in 2015 after a twelve-year battle with a rare cancer.  Riding with my brother on Monday of this week going to Winston-Salem to tie up another loose end regarding mom's estate, I admitted our mother's death was like a frying pan to our faces.  

This is how it went:  Mom was fine.  Mom thought she had pulled a muscle.  Then mom called me early one morning asking me to drive over to her house because she was in a great deal of pain and wanted me to go visit her primary physician with her.  We did.  Mom was sent for a CT scan.  I was with mom when her primary care doctor called to say mom had a tumor the size of an apple sitting at the bottom of her esophagus and pushing on her surrounding organs.  Next, we made a trip to a hospital ER.  Then mom was assigned an oncologist.  The oncologist wanted mom to have an endoscopy in order to biopsy the mass (tumor) seen on the imaging from the CT scan.  November 28th, 2022, mom, my brother, and I listened to the oncologist tell us mom had stage four, inoperable esophageal cancer.  It was the end of the day.  The oncologist was drumming his fingers on the desk at which he sat.

You could have heard a pin drop in the patient room at that moment.  My brother was with us via cell phone.  The oncologist did inform us of the treatment option that might give mom two more years with us.  And then mom asked the oncologist, "What if I opt for no treatment?"  The oncologist said, "If you opt for no treatment ma'am, I need to call in hospice ASAP."  Mom told the oncologist she would think about it and discuss it with my sibling and I in private.  Mom opted for no treatment.

My brother and I knew we could not keep running back and forth to our hometown to care for our mom.  So, we brought mom over to spend her remaining weeks with us as we live near one another.  In the beginning, mom was able to go back and forth between our homes so we could care for her.  I phoned the oncologist and asked for hospice help over in our area.  Hospice employees met with us at my dining room table.  We let them know our mom was insisting on her desire to go spend her final days in a hospice facility. She most likely did not wish for us to witness daily what was coming.  We were informed there was no available room at the hospice facility and the pandemic took a hit on hospice staffing levels so there were not even enough hospice caretakers if a room had become available.

My brother and I witnessed our mom lose her mobility:  mom went from using a cane, to a walker, and finally to a wheelchair in the span of two weeks.  We witnessed our mother no longer be able to eat and lose control of her bodily functions.  I tried to obtain the time of a pastor who had served at mom's church for well over a decade, but he recently chose to move to another church.  The new minister had only been on the job a little over five months.  I tried my darndest to track down my mom's former pastor so she could at least speak with him on the phone.  I kept leaving him phone messages.

At the end of that particular day, my brother and I were standing in line at CVS waiting to pick up pain meds hospice had prescribed for our mom.  I thought I heard my cell phone vibrate so I checked it to see if mom or my husband were trying to reach us.  No.  It was the pastor I had left a message for requesting him to call and speak with my mom as she was dying.  He had text me that he could no longer minister to anyone from my mom's church.  We would have to request the new minister at mom's church speak with her though that was not her request.  I think my heart dropped right out of my chest and is still lying somewhere on the floor near the CVS pharmacy where people have walked all over it by now.  I showed the text to my brother.  He read it and said, "It figures."

I knew that mom's previous pastor allegedly had encountered some friction with other members of mom's church.  I also knew that my mom was not one of those people.  She had attended that church with my dad for close to 48 years.  They gave offerings weekly to the church.  Mom led a women's circle at the church that helped provide holiday gifts and treats to a class at a low-income elementary school.  

When mom took her last breath, we were exhausted, drained, and traumatized.  I called the funeral home in our hometown where mom's body had been taken.  I informed the funeral home director that we needed a day to refuel our energy.  The day we did go to the funeral home, I took a new dress, undergarments, shoes, and accessories for my mom who would be buried in a casket as she did not wish to be cremated.  It was just my brother, me, my husband, and the funeral director.  I knew I had left word with mom's church about the day and time we would be at the funeral home and I would also call later with the day and time of her memorial service.    

We waited for about thirty minutes exchanging documents with the funeral director.  I was waiting for the new pastor to arrive to help us plan mom's graveside memorial service and offer spiritual support.  Finally, the funeral home director encouraged us to start the planning process with her help.  I remember saying to her I had not met the new minister at mom's church yet.  She informed us that she had not yet met him/her either.  And that is when it hit me:  there had been a number of deaths in the last five months at my mom's church and some of those church families had used the same funeral home. If the funeral director had never met the new pastor then he/she most likely was not present at the funeral home with those church families who had experienced the death of a loved one earlier than us.

We planned mom's graveside memorial service.  We secured flowers for the service.  We met with the director at the cemetery where our dad was already buried.  We drove two hours back to our respective residences.  The new pastor did call my brother that evening to speak with him about our mother as my brother was planning to speak at the memorial service.  Thank God for my mom's neighbors, friends, fellow church members, family, and business acquaintances that appeared for the small service.  Thank God for my brother's clients and friends and my friends who showed up for the service.  Their speeches along with my brother's made the service meaningful for us. They comforted us.

I did not want any other of mom's fellow church members, who happened to include people I knew and went to school with, encountering a pastor's refusal to speak with their dying loved one. Nor did I wish for another church family to not have spiritual support at a funeral home.  I intended to inform the leader of our faith about what transpired during and after mom's death.   I do not know if I will ever walk into another church again much less become a member after what occurred before and after my mother's death.  So, I wrote the religion's highest leader I could find to let him/her know of my concerns for others at mom's church who will lose their mother, father, aunt, cousin, brother, or sister in the future.  

Who knew a religion's Elder, Cardinal, President, or Bishop would answer their own email?  This religion's leader did reply to my email.  He/She said the response I would get depended on if it was a church that had recently disconnected from the main religion??  I wrote him/her an email explaining what my concerns were and my reasons for those concerns.  To this day, I have never received any further email responses from the religion's leader.

I do not think God abandoned my mom or family during her death. At times, it felt like it. I do know that before I will ever enter the halls of any church again, I want to know from the pastor how me and my family will be treated at the time of my death and afterward.  That is what I need to know first and foremost.  If a pastor can't be there when you are dying or offer support to your family after a loved one's death, what is the point??

Best,

Grace (Amy)

Review: End Of The Hour: A Therapist's Memoir by Meghan Riordan Jarvis

 Dear Lit Loves,

Happy 2024!  I am absolutely shocked at everything that has happened in my life in the last year.  When I look back on 2023, it just appears as a blur of activity and losses once my mom died at the beginning of 2023 from stage four esophageal cancer.  Maybe seven to eight weeks after diagnosis, my mom was gone.  No real time to begin to digest what was taking place much less comprehend how much trauma my sibling and I would navigate after losing our last parent who up till the end of her life, still resided in our childhood home of nearly 50 years.

On that note, it is most likely no surprise that Meghan Riordan Jarvis's book, End Of The Hour:  A Therapist's Memoir, caught my attention.  Essentially, the book is about what happens when a trauma therapist is overwhelmed by loss.  I tend to think therapists have it all together emotionally so I was intrigued that a therapist would write about the overwhelming loss of both parents within nearly a year of one another.  So, I took the plunge and read the book!

Unlike most editors and literary agents, I like memoirs that are written in a raw, gritty manner (aka tell it like it is).  I get turned off by memoirs written about difficult subjects that are heavy on frilly description and elevated prose.  Just shoot it to me straight as if we are having lunch together, you know?  I was not disappointed in this memoir because Meghan Riordan Jarvis does an excellent job of relaying the messy, turbulent wreckage that can happen to any of us after the death of a loved one.  

First, we see the author as a nine-year -old learning that a best friend's brother has suddenly died from drowning.  Her many siblings and adults go silent.  Meghan's mother gets the rosary.  The whole event stirs within Meghan a mix of anxiety and grief.  Why won't anyone mention or talk about the deceased brother again?  Why won't her best friend whose brother died talk about her brother and what happened to him?  It's like everyone is trying to tiptoe through a minefield.

Next, we learn that Meghan was one of many siblings and her father was often not at home during the week.  And while growing up, Meghan often wonders why her mother is crying at night?  As she advances in age, she realizes that as a child she internalized the art of minimizing your own needs in order to put others' needs first.  She uncovers the revelation that she still lives by the rules and beliefs set forth by her parents.

When Meghan's father is in the final stages of his life, she is often the one with him at the hospital.  She even takes down the names and contact information of who her father wants notified once he dies.  And it was extremely important that her father not die in a bland, sterilized hospital environment but rather at home on the Cape in his own bedroom with a view of the ocean.  Interestingly, Meghan's mom becomes the gatekeeper in terms of access to her father in his final weeks of life.  And then once her father passes, Meghan realizes her mother does not remember much of what happened the week her father died because the hippocampus, or part of the brain responsible for memory, malfunctions under stress leaving one with only fractured memories.

When Meghan's mom dies, she is stunned, disconcerted, and panicked.  Even after the funeral and Meghan's eulogy of her mother, she returns home to find herself still emotionally fragile.  She is so incredibly overwhelmed by loss she regurgitates on the return trip to her DC home from her parents' home on the Cape.  When she forces herself to attend her son's sixth grade open house, she appears fine until the teacher mentions how she and her mother went camping in Alaska over the summer.  The urge to scream sets in as she wonders why this teacher got more time with her mom than she did.  And when one of the other parents informs the teacher that she is distressed to learn that the subject of death was discussed during class on a previous day, Meghan has to leave.  What's the problem with talking about death?  Why do some parents demand their child not be privy to discussions of death? Why is the discussion of death so taboo? 

When Megan finds herself swimming at three in the morning, sitting in the shower with her cell phone, and trying to understand why her body is breaking down physically and mentally, it is her best friend who pulls the fire alarm.  Her best friend has the guts to say, "You need next level care."  Meghan puts her best friend on ice, but eventually realizes her best friend is right.  And yes, Meghan signs up for care at the very facility she recommends to her trauma patients in therapy.  

And the trauma treatment facility is where the author learns her anxiety may stem not from the fact that help was not available during childhood, but that she never learned to ask for help.  For three weeks Meghan works through her panic and anxiety regarding the loss of her parents via a host of therapists and activities along with an occasional field trip.  Here's the truth:  no one is coming to save you but you.  We don't really own anything except our memories which fade with time. Essentially, we all eventually will encounter the death of our nearest and dearest.  Grief is different for each individual.  It is up to us to learn to live without those we love and the places and traditions dearest to us.  It is we who must find the resolve to keep moving forward after a loved one's death even if it is only one baby step at a time.

I highly recommend this book to anyone experiencing traumatic, complex grief, to grief counselors, and to all grief support groups.

Till my next review,

Grace (Amy)

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