Review: Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life by Christie Tate

 Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings.  I just finished reading the memoir entitled Group:  How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life by Christie Tate, a writer and essayist from Chicago.  The book was published under the imprint, Avid Reader Press owned by Simon & Schuster, Inc.  

I wanted to read this book because it was about the writer's life as a young woman attending law school and her bout with an eating disorder along with leading an isolated life to the point that she begins entertaining thoughts of suicide.  Eventually, she locates a therapist who specializes in group therapy and believes that the therapy group will guide her past the shadows of her eating disorder as well as her social isolation.  The therapist has what he calls "prescriptions" he delegates to members of each therapy group when the need arises.  He does ask that all group members be brutally honest and not keep secrets because according to his methodology, to keep a secret is to internalize your own shame or someone else's shame.

Personally, I felt like the author had been traumatized at an early age and learned not to express her grief, but to repress it.  This is a young woman who is attending law school, but socially and romantically she just feels disconnected and broken.  The therapy groups she attends are led by her therapist, but for the most part, the group members take the lead in terms of challenging and witnessing the issues each group member brings to multiple sessions per week.  With this author, she does not wish to die a spinster or never find someone with whom to share her life.  The reader then begins to learn a great deal about what Christie wants in a potential mate via the multiple people she begins dating.  For example, one guy she chooses to date has financial issues and spends all his time gaming on a computer when he is not working.  His relationship with Christie will always come second to his love of gaming which leads the author to understand that this male does not put a priority on a more permanent relationship with another human being.   He can barely take care of himself much less take time to invest in another person and a relationship.  

Next, the author graduates from law school and accepts a junior associate legal position with a big firm in Chicago.  At the office, she meets a male intern who she dates for a short time. They have great chemistry until one day he just tells Christie it will never work out for them as a couple due to his religion.  Obviously, she is sharing all the ups and downs of her dating life whenever she attends group meetings.  Then there is Alex, who lives in Christie's building and is a junior associate at a different law firm, is a total fitness fanatic and willingly signs up both himself and Christie for marathons, fitness classes, etc.  One day after dating for quite a while, Alex tells Christie he believes "she is not the one" and subsequently drops her like a hot potato.  At this point in the book, it is obvious that Christie needs to find her voice, to speak up for herself in relationships and not just go along with a potential mate who does not appear to value what her interests are, only his.

The group therapy sessions Christie attends can become heated and sometimes in group therapy sessions I begin to wonder if her therapist realizes she can be a danger to herself if a romantic relationship sputters to an end and she becomes grossly disappointed regarding once again not finding her soul mate.  The group sessions Christie attends includes people who are quite blatant in what they perceive is happening in Christie's romantic life.  Sometimes the group finds two members in a verbal slugfest.  I know myself well enough that group therapy would not be healing for me,  Plus, I would not spend what this author does per month just on group therapy.  

One of the more difficult periods the author relates in the book is regarding whether she wants to date a married man who has kids and has already admitted to cheating on his wife.  Christie finally comes to the conclusion that if Reed would cheat on his wife of twenty years, he would most likely do the same to her even if he left his marriage.  Then there is a doctor named Brandon who Christie dates; however, he has some rather odd behavior and tells her she cannot discuss him in her group therapy sessions.  When she learns through a conversation he has with another male buddy that he is going to Cancun with a woman he attended college with, Christie hits the brakes fast.  Fortunately, she finally comes to the revelation that even if she is alone for the rest of her life, she will be okay.  She has a financially secure job, owns her own condo, and has friends and group members who care for her.  If this is all she ultimately has in life:  it is okay.  You do not have to absolutely find your soul mate in this lifetime in order to be happy and fulfilled.  Nor do I think a woman needs to romantically settle for someone who ultimately is selfish, hurtful, cruel, or immature just to be able to say, "I'm with someone."

I will not give away the ending of the book, but I will say it's quite intriguing to read about what happens to the author romantically as well as how her relationship with her therapist and her group members changes over a period of five years.  On a scale of 1 to 5, I would rate this book a three because some of the content is explicit and some readers may find that offensive while others may not give it a second thought.  Personally, I will be sticking with cognitive behavioral therapy with a single therapist should I require it.  The choice to read the book is ultimately one you will have to make for yourself.

Till My Next Review,

Grace (Amy)