Dear Literary Loves,
Well, usually I take this the time in this forum to review a memoir I have just finished reading or discuss what is happening in the search for a literary agent. And sometimes I give my opinion on what I read in Publishers Weekly, like why Harlequin is losing money (see last post). Last week I went to Emory Hospital for balance/dizziness tests to see how far my Endolymphatic Hydrops or Meniere's disease has progressed. After two hours of testing in which I wore goggles with an embedded camera while being shaken and then seated in a chair that then tilts you to the right and left to see how well you can maintain balance. The diagnostic doctor was looking for eye movements that go along with Meniere's disease. Additionally, I had a moving spotlight test in which I followed a red beaming light with both eyes as it went back and forth at jet speed. Finally, I put on the goggles
with an embedded camera and experienced hot and cold water being shot into both ears. This tests how many balance cells remain active in both ears. I failed on the left side completely. There was absolutely no onset of dizziness during any of the water treatments to the left ear. My inner ear cells that control balance in the left ear have been destroyed after living with Meniere's disease since age eighteen.
Here's the interesting part: the diagnostic doctor gave me several neurological tests also. I failed one test with flying colors. It's the test where they blindfold you and then take a hold of the right foot and move the big toe up or down; you have to tell them which direction without looking. I failed on the right side and was perfect with the left foot. The doctor kept repeating so I could tell he was concerned that I could not for the life of me pass this test. And that's when he said "We have to make sure that you have not lost positional frame of reference due to a small stroke." If I hadn't already had a stroke, I just about had one right then. I kept thinking, surely I would know if I had suffered a stroke? Not necessarily. When I have dizzy spells now they just hit without warning. I could be standing at the kitchen sink washing dishes and vertigo occurs that leaves me on my knees on the kitchen floor. At this point I usually reach into my jean pocket and take my medicine or try to crawl and reach my medication. It's scary to think that all this time I thought my dizziness was stemming from Meniere's disease when I might truly have been experiencing a mini stroke which runs in my family maternally and paternally.
Did you see the Houston Texans' football coach drop to his knees during last Sunday night's NFL game? Everyone was running to the locker rooms at halftime and he fell to his knees on the field. They took him out on a stretcher. He had an MRI and they must have discovered a clot because he was then placed on intravenous clot busting medication. I'll know for sure next Wednesday when I have a gad/MRI and then see the diagnostic doctor at Emory about an hour afterward. I am trying not to stress about finding a literary agent. Hell, if I have to I will just self-publish. I don't need the stress of waiting forever for an agent to recognize I have meaningful manuscripts and could be the next Kathryn Stockett. I would love to go the traditional route in publishing by having an agent, but I can only wait so long. If I have to design my own path to publishing I will because it's not like I'm not a resourceful person. Sometimes you just have to design/build your own form of the yellow brick road, you know?!
Grace
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