Well dear readers, let me tell you that attempting to locate and secure a literary agent is NOT for the faint of heart or the impatient. I have lived through glaucoma, Meniere's disease, basal cell carcinoma, and teaching in an inner city school, but none of that compares with the anguish I have endured on my quest for a literary agent. Allow me to expound on the reasons it is difficult to locate a literary agent for my family memoir:
1) There Is No Response From The Agent. Yes, it's totally true; literary agents may choose to ignore your query entirely and will sometimes not get back to you even when they have requested a partial of the manuscript and a book proposal. As a writer you are left wondering: Why? Was it something I said?
2) You Are Not A Celebrity. I have been told by many an agent that they are not able to represent me because I am not a celebrity, my family isn't famous, and I do not have 2 million Twitter followers. Wow! And I thought the reading public wanted books in the memoir genre that are about people they can relate to on an everyday basis. Silly me, what was I thinking?!
3) Can't Sell The Book. I have had literary agents tell me the material in my memoir would not be wanted by any of the major publishers. And sometimes I am told there is no market for my work. I sometimes wonder if these agents have ever heard of J.K. Rowling or perhaps, Kathryn Stockett who were both rejected numerous times and later went on to have huge bestsellers.
4) Our Agency Is Not A Good Fit For You. I have actually had emails stating this explicit fact. No reason is given like maybe they boycott brunettes or do not like southern writers. I am always curious about these responses because it comes across as quite condescending. I always want to stand on a soapbox and yell: BUT I HAVEN'T EVEN MET YOU PEOPLE!!
5) I Don't Do Misery Memoirs. If I hear one more agent espouse that they do not take misery memoirs, I may in fact boycott all books repped by said agent. Just because an author is writing about trauma does NOT make the book a misery memoir!! If you are unable to find value and meaning in books with high trauma drama, you probably haven't lived long enough to appreciate what the rest of us have lived through and learned. Best wishes darling because your time will come.
6) Wish I Had The Time, But I Am Too Busy. I always want to ask these people if it wouldn't be more prudent to just stop accepting queries until they get themselves organized and caught up on all their work.
If this is true, let a writer know so you don't waste my time and I don't waste yours.
7) This Project Is Not Right For My List. I always want to ask these agents what lists about which are you speaking? A grocery list, a to-do list, etc. etc. I mean if you have a list of book genres that you are making a priority and you are not looking for a book in the writer's genre, please just say so. Let us endeavor to not be vague okay?
8) I'll Pass. That's it. End of story and end of response. No reason given. I just assume these are very cut and dry agents and we probably wouldn't work well together anyway because I like words, like writing, and like elaboration ya know?! That's why I majored in Communications.
9) Not Taking New Clients. Again, I wish agents would just express this on their blogs or web
guidelines. Why even have writers submitting to you? Give me a heads up so I can go ahead and cross you off my list. My time is precious too dear. And by the way, existing clients don't last forever and I also want to ask these agents if they are fearful of change. I've always found that new people often broaden my horizons.
AND THIS COULD BE WHY I JUST GO GET MYSELF A HUMDINGER OF A CONTRACT ATTORNEY AND GO FIND A PUBLISHER ALL BY MYSELF!! CAN I GET AN AMEN BROTHERS AND SISTERS?! AMEN!
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