Dear Lit Loves,
First, let me say that I think dealing with the traditional publishing industry has virtually pushed me to the point of going rogue. Thank you, Jesus, I can truthfully say that I have learned the art of dealing with rejection. There comes a point though when a writer, particularly one like me who writes in the memoir genre and whose name is not Kim Kardashian, has to begin to contemplate if the gatekeepers (literary agents) really have their finger on the pulse of what constitutes a manuscript that is worthy to be published by the big five publishers and to sit on shelves in your local bookstore. Quite frankly, I'm going to tell you that there are times when I have looked across a table at my husband and said, "I don't think these folks get it." At which point my husband will usually say, "You know the vast majority of them appear to only be in the literary game for the quick buck and you want someone who is invested in you, respects and sees the potential audience for the serious life-jolting issues you address in your manuscripts, and works to refine what you write, not completely change it to sound like some other famous memoir writer." I'm beginning to think that might be too much to ask for as a writer these days and that's going to most likely become a sad reality the many facets of traditional publishing will eventually face and realize much too late.
What does the above paragraph have to do with my review of Home Is Burning by Dan Marshall? I'm getting there, folks. The gist of this memoir is that a spoiled, crass and belligerent Millennial writes notes about his experience of having his life turned upside down when his father is diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig's disease), his mother is undergoing continuous cancer treatment, and he returns home to help care for them. And he is NOT happy about having to give up his spoiled, rich LA life and his budding relationship with a quite self-involved girlfriend. And I just want to say that I kept thinking to myself, dude, she's not the one for you. She's leading you around like a puppy on a leash. Grow up, go find some semblance of maturity, and get thee back to the ranch to help your parents. Note to readers: it gets worse not better with regard to his personal life. When he does make it home to help, he finds a brother there who has moved in to assist in parental care, one sister who appears to just go on with her life like nothing should stop her world from its positive progress, another sister who appears to immerse herself in school and dance while living in denial, and an additional younger sister who appeared to just want to escape the whole situation even if it meant chucking her entire future by making some foolish choices. All I have to say as a Generation Xer is this: God Help Us All If Most Millennials Respond To Family Trauma In The Demented Manner This Author Relates. I can tell you Mr. Marshall that I've faced more demons and terrible situations than you. If I had behaved the way you relate in your memoir, my parents would have back-slapped me right on toward my next nine lives. Comprende? And your vulgarity, disrespect, and malicious humor reek of a narcissist stench the likes of which I hope to never ever have in my life.
And here's what is truly worrisome to me, folks. Someone thought this was book was entertaining. Someone thought readers needed to give this writer some precious reading time. Someone actually deemed this manuscript worthy of publication and the writer worthy of literary representation. The rest of us (memoir writers) have been knocking ourselves out trying to relate to literary agents, research their interests, connect with acquiring editors, write 72 page book proposals, and put forth manuscripts that tackle life issues in a blunt, respectable and teachable fashion. And then this guy gets his crude memoir published and has enough arrogance to review his book on one internet site and say that it is terrific and the author is a genius. Are you kidding me?? Here's some advice: Get A Conscience, Find some humble pie, and If you should ever find yourself diagnosed with a medical issue like glaucoma, stage four colon cancer, Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma, leg amputation, etc. Go find a steel boot with spurs and kick yourself in the can for writing such a juvenile, repulsive piece of work.
Don't waste your time with this book, lit loves. It's selfish, nasty and not worth your time or money.
Truly,
Grace
(Amy)
Monday, February 15, 2016
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Review: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
Dear Lit Loves,
Greetings! Regarding my efforts to obtain publication for my own manuscript in the memoir genre, the update is that I have three editors wishing to see my work and quite possibly consider acquiring it so it can be published. On the quest to find a literary agent, I have two literary agents with my book proposal and the full manuscript; however, I can't wait forever on a decision of whether they will represent me as a writer so I'm waiting patiently until a time I've designated where upon whether I am signed by a literary agent or not, I will hit the self-publishing button.
In the meantime, I was eager for my latest read to be released entitled When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. This memoir is about a young neurosurgeon/neuroscientist who is completing his residency when it is discovered he has a stage four cancer. Honestly, I think he had an inkling that he had cancer before it was confirmed by a CT scan. Even before this diagnosis though, he had been pondering what makes a virtuous and meaningful life as he often encountered patients who required very complex, microscopic surgery on their brains. He needed to know what made his patients lives meaningful so he could keep that in mind when advising them on what treatment course to pursue, but often he kept this in mind during surgery on a patient because depending on what he discovers upon opening the skull, it might come down to whether he knew if a patient could tolerate paralysis, loss of speech, loss of mobility, etc. Our brains are so closely linked to our identity and what gives our life meaning and function. And thank heavens this doctor not only recognized that, but was thoughtful enough to ask his patients about their lives and what gave their lives meaning and purpose.
I think a great deal of what helped Dr. Kalanithi was that he was an active participant in learning about his type of cancer, what treatments were most successful, and being co-captain of the ship when it came down to what treatments he pursued. So many people I find often assume, well, that's the doctor's job and he/she's got the degree so I'll just do what they say. I can't fathom making that kind of assumption and not knowing about my disease, the treatments for it, and actively questioning why my doctor is choosing this medication or surgery over others that are available. I also think what helped Dr. Kalanithi is that he had a supportive wife who stayed with him throughout the entire journey from diagnosis until the end. I think she contributed to helping keep him alive and I was impressed that she remained loyal right to the very end of her husband's life. My father once told me about how when his brother was diagnosed with leukemia in the late 1960s, his brother's wife just left the scene and took their daughter with her. She couldn't handle the diagnosis, treatments, and prognosis. My dad always felt like that probably was as much of what caused his brother's death as the leukemia. Support really does matter and make a difference when it comes to facing serious illness and death. Or at least that's what I believe.
I think Dr. Kalanithi found his answer as to what makes for a meaningful life because he took the time to examine his life and his priorities. He knew he loved neurosurgery; he knew he loved helping patients; he knew he loved his wife, family, and friends; he knew how much joy he gained from what he did for a living and how much the people closest to him meant to his life. And I think he knew how much he loved writing so he also began chronicling his story in the form of a manuscript to leave behind as a gift for his family. I think it's also a gift to humanity because whether anyone wants to admit it or talk about it, we all only have a finite amount of time on this earth. As my father who died of Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma last year said to me, "The grim reaper always finds you". And when it comes to cancer, it's more than likely going to be an excruciating battle.
More than anything I think this book is about a very gifted neurosurgeon whose life came to a close too soon. He wrestled with that reality, but eventually he decided he was going to die on his own terms staring death right in the eye and taking his last breath peacefully. And he decided upon diagnosis not to just give up and become a recluse. Heck, the man even was able for a time to return to neurosurgery, but he knew when his body was telling him it was time to step away from the operating table and find joy in what he could on a day to day basis given the atrocious side effects of the cancer and its treatments. My dad wasn't a neurosurgeon, but he assumed the same brave stance as Dr. Kalanithi when it came to his cancer. He "got in the ring" with the beast three different times. And the best gift he gave me was his example of courage, commitment, love, and he often told me how much joy he had experienced in his life and that when the grim reaper came for him, he had no regrets. Dad knew he had lived a good life; he told me so. That doesn't mean I don't miss him terribly each and every day. I hope one day to get his story published, too.
I highly recommend this book. I think it glows with insights into life and what makes it meaningful as well as precarious. More importantly, I think it will make the reader think about what gives his/her life meaning. How do you wish to live your last days? How do you wish to be remembered? More importantly, do you live to discover and embrace the joy that's present in your life on a daily basis? Life's a gift and you get to question and discover what's meaningful and purposeful and most important to you during your time here. So, how will your book read??
Till my next post,
Grace
(Amy)
Greetings! Regarding my efforts to obtain publication for my own manuscript in the memoir genre, the update is that I have three editors wishing to see my work and quite possibly consider acquiring it so it can be published. On the quest to find a literary agent, I have two literary agents with my book proposal and the full manuscript; however, I can't wait forever on a decision of whether they will represent me as a writer so I'm waiting patiently until a time I've designated where upon whether I am signed by a literary agent or not, I will hit the self-publishing button.
In the meantime, I was eager for my latest read to be released entitled When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi. This memoir is about a young neurosurgeon/neuroscientist who is completing his residency when it is discovered he has a stage four cancer. Honestly, I think he had an inkling that he had cancer before it was confirmed by a CT scan. Even before this diagnosis though, he had been pondering what makes a virtuous and meaningful life as he often encountered patients who required very complex, microscopic surgery on their brains. He needed to know what made his patients lives meaningful so he could keep that in mind when advising them on what treatment course to pursue, but often he kept this in mind during surgery on a patient because depending on what he discovers upon opening the skull, it might come down to whether he knew if a patient could tolerate paralysis, loss of speech, loss of mobility, etc. Our brains are so closely linked to our identity and what gives our life meaning and function. And thank heavens this doctor not only recognized that, but was thoughtful enough to ask his patients about their lives and what gave their lives meaning and purpose.
I think a great deal of what helped Dr. Kalanithi was that he was an active participant in learning about his type of cancer, what treatments were most successful, and being co-captain of the ship when it came down to what treatments he pursued. So many people I find often assume, well, that's the doctor's job and he/she's got the degree so I'll just do what they say. I can't fathom making that kind of assumption and not knowing about my disease, the treatments for it, and actively questioning why my doctor is choosing this medication or surgery over others that are available. I also think what helped Dr. Kalanithi is that he had a supportive wife who stayed with him throughout the entire journey from diagnosis until the end. I think she contributed to helping keep him alive and I was impressed that she remained loyal right to the very end of her husband's life. My father once told me about how when his brother was diagnosed with leukemia in the late 1960s, his brother's wife just left the scene and took their daughter with her. She couldn't handle the diagnosis, treatments, and prognosis. My dad always felt like that probably was as much of what caused his brother's death as the leukemia. Support really does matter and make a difference when it comes to facing serious illness and death. Or at least that's what I believe.
I think Dr. Kalanithi found his answer as to what makes for a meaningful life because he took the time to examine his life and his priorities. He knew he loved neurosurgery; he knew he loved helping patients; he knew he loved his wife, family, and friends; he knew how much joy he gained from what he did for a living and how much the people closest to him meant to his life. And I think he knew how much he loved writing so he also began chronicling his story in the form of a manuscript to leave behind as a gift for his family. I think it's also a gift to humanity because whether anyone wants to admit it or talk about it, we all only have a finite amount of time on this earth. As my father who died of Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma last year said to me, "The grim reaper always finds you". And when it comes to cancer, it's more than likely going to be an excruciating battle.
More than anything I think this book is about a very gifted neurosurgeon whose life came to a close too soon. He wrestled with that reality, but eventually he decided he was going to die on his own terms staring death right in the eye and taking his last breath peacefully. And he decided upon diagnosis not to just give up and become a recluse. Heck, the man even was able for a time to return to neurosurgery, but he knew when his body was telling him it was time to step away from the operating table and find joy in what he could on a day to day basis given the atrocious side effects of the cancer and its treatments. My dad wasn't a neurosurgeon, but he assumed the same brave stance as Dr. Kalanithi when it came to his cancer. He "got in the ring" with the beast three different times. And the best gift he gave me was his example of courage, commitment, love, and he often told me how much joy he had experienced in his life and that when the grim reaper came for him, he had no regrets. Dad knew he had lived a good life; he told me so. That doesn't mean I don't miss him terribly each and every day. I hope one day to get his story published, too.
I highly recommend this book. I think it glows with insights into life and what makes it meaningful as well as precarious. More importantly, I think it will make the reader think about what gives his/her life meaning. How do you wish to live your last days? How do you wish to be remembered? More importantly, do you live to discover and embrace the joy that's present in your life on a daily basis? Life's a gift and you get to question and discover what's meaningful and purposeful and most important to you during your time here. So, how will your book read??
Till my next post,
Grace
(Amy)
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Review: Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande
Dear Lit Loves,
Greetings! I've been in rapid-fire reading mode when it comes to newly released memoirs. I decided to read Being Moral: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande. Lately, I've found myself gravitating toward medical memoirs whether it be a book chronicling a strange medical diagnosis, personal palliative care experiences, or doctors ruminating on the fragility of life. Dr. Gawande is a surgeon at Brigham & Women's Hospital, a writer for The New York Times, and a professor at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard School of Public Health. Naturally, I was intrigued by what this well-trained doctor thought matters most when he encounters a patient facing a finite amount of time left to live.
First, Dr. Gawande readily admits that most doctors are hard-wired to overcome; to push for success in recovery, to fix and heal a patient no matter what. There is a realization though that there may come a time in a patient's life where pushing for healing and cure may have its limitations. With all the technology available today, it seems our medical culture is in a constant state of treating in a never-ending fashion when what might be best to do is to think seriously, especially when a patient is facing a terminal diagnosis, about what really matters to that patient at the end of life. It's the brutal reality most patients and families live in denial about: we are are born and we all will someday die. No, it's not a hot topic of conversation at the family Christmas dinner, but truly, we all should give it serious thought and make our wishes known about how we wish to live in the last years, months or days of our life.
Next, Dr. Gawande speaks about how most assisted living centers and nursing homes are really set up not to allow a person to continue to live in a meaningful fashion, but to basically assure families that their loved ones are being monitored and are safe. Most assisted living centers and nursing homes I've visited are quite institutionalized settings. You may have to share a room with someone. You may go from living in your own home to living in an unfamiliar place having to follow a schedule that is not of your own choosing, but rather what makes everything run efficiently for the assisted living center or nursing home. Now, there are centers where a person can maintain their own apartment, decide how they wish to spend their day, and pursue what they wish to accomplish on a daily basis whether that's a game of cards, reading in the library, taking a trip to a theatrical performance, or visiting with family and friends. And sometimes the children of an elderly person may decide that when it becomes too much for them to help with a parent's care, they want to find a place where their parents can reside that ensures someone else is monitoring the parent, giving medications, providing meals, and attending to falls. Sometimes when an older parent finds him/herself moving to an elderly living facility, it's really to give their children peace of mind as opposed to what might allow the elderly parent to maintain a sense of meaning and dignity and purpose in the latter years of their lives.
And then there is the palliative care movement which most people associate with Hospice, but I have learned that even hospitals have palliative care units as well. Most people are scared to death of palliative care because the automatic thought is okay, I'm there to die. I had one friend who refused to visit her grandmother in a Hospice facility because she was too scared of encountering a "house of death". Wow. I totally see it differently than my friend. I see it as a place where you can go, have your own independent bedroom and live out your final days on your own terms. A place where you don't have to continue suffering the side effects of chemo or radiation treatments, but you can enjoy whatever time you have left on your own terms and without pain. My father opted for in-house Hospice during his final days of life and I found it much more peaceful than the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital.
Finally, what I liked about this book is that Dr. Gawande speaks about the "hard conversations"we all need to have with our doctors, ourselves, and our closest loved ones. And it appeared that he learned how to broach these hard conversations with patients via a palliative care nurse who was well-trained in helping families sit down and talk about what matters to a person at the very end of life. It may not all be resolved or determined in a single conversation; it may take several conversations. Essentially, as a doctor or palliative care nurse you ask the terminal patient ( with family present) the following questions:
1) What do you understand is your diagnosis and what is happening to your body?
2) What are your greatest fears in the coming days?
3) What would be your goals for your life should your condition continue to deteriorate? Do you want to keep treatment going until the time of death? Do you want to be intubated if necessary and placed on a ventilator? Do you wish to continue to have more surgeries or radiation?
4) What would you be willing to sacrifice to keep on living? One woman realized her father wanted to keep on living only if he could continue to eat chocolate ice cream and watch sports on television. She was most shocked because she thought he would not be willing to endure leg paralysis which was a possible side effect of the difficult surgery he was to decide upon; however, he told her that even if both legs were paralyzed and he was assured he could still eat chocolate ice cream and watch sports on television, he was willing to go ahead and proceed with the surgery.
I guess the most important points I took away from reading this book included: have I thought about my own mortality? Have I thought about a terminal diagnosis and what treatments, if any, would I wish to endure and for how long? Would I want to be kept alive on a ventilator and feeding tube? What kind of resuscitation efforts would I want from doctors,nurses, and hospital staff if my heart suddenly stopped beating? And then I remembered that I had also completed a task that so many folks avoid and live in denial about: I had completed a living will; I had completed who I want as my healthcare power of attorney; I have had an attorney draw up a will for me; and I have had the hard conversation with my loved ones about what my wishes are when I do take my last breath. And that somehow gives me a sense of relief; a sense that I will have steered the boat to its final docking point; and that my loved ones will not have to sit and lament what I would want for myself in my final months, days, and hours. I guess the other important point I took away from this book is: have you and your loved ones thought about what you want for yourselves when you are in the home stretch of this marathon we call life? And it's one hell of an important and thought provoking inquiry. The worst thing a person can do is avoid the thought of mortality and communicating what they think to their loved ones. I can tell you that that produces a gut-wrenching and traumatic situation for loved ones and it's not a pretty place in which to find yourself.
Yes, I would highly recommend this book. It gives you a lot to think about and makes you think consider what gives meaning to your life, what's important to you in your final moments of life, and have you sat and discussed these important decisions with your own family and loved ones.
Best,
Grace
(Amy)
Greetings! I've been in rapid-fire reading mode when it comes to newly released memoirs. I decided to read Being Moral: Medicine and What Matters in the End by Atul Gawande. Lately, I've found myself gravitating toward medical memoirs whether it be a book chronicling a strange medical diagnosis, personal palliative care experiences, or doctors ruminating on the fragility of life. Dr. Gawande is a surgeon at Brigham & Women's Hospital, a writer for The New York Times, and a professor at Harvard Medical School and the Harvard School of Public Health. Naturally, I was intrigued by what this well-trained doctor thought matters most when he encounters a patient facing a finite amount of time left to live.
First, Dr. Gawande readily admits that most doctors are hard-wired to overcome; to push for success in recovery, to fix and heal a patient no matter what. There is a realization though that there may come a time in a patient's life where pushing for healing and cure may have its limitations. With all the technology available today, it seems our medical culture is in a constant state of treating in a never-ending fashion when what might be best to do is to think seriously, especially when a patient is facing a terminal diagnosis, about what really matters to that patient at the end of life. It's the brutal reality most patients and families live in denial about: we are are born and we all will someday die. No, it's not a hot topic of conversation at the family Christmas dinner, but truly, we all should give it serious thought and make our wishes known about how we wish to live in the last years, months or days of our life.
Next, Dr. Gawande speaks about how most assisted living centers and nursing homes are really set up not to allow a person to continue to live in a meaningful fashion, but to basically assure families that their loved ones are being monitored and are safe. Most assisted living centers and nursing homes I've visited are quite institutionalized settings. You may have to share a room with someone. You may go from living in your own home to living in an unfamiliar place having to follow a schedule that is not of your own choosing, but rather what makes everything run efficiently for the assisted living center or nursing home. Now, there are centers where a person can maintain their own apartment, decide how they wish to spend their day, and pursue what they wish to accomplish on a daily basis whether that's a game of cards, reading in the library, taking a trip to a theatrical performance, or visiting with family and friends. And sometimes the children of an elderly person may decide that when it becomes too much for them to help with a parent's care, they want to find a place where their parents can reside that ensures someone else is monitoring the parent, giving medications, providing meals, and attending to falls. Sometimes when an older parent finds him/herself moving to an elderly living facility, it's really to give their children peace of mind as opposed to what might allow the elderly parent to maintain a sense of meaning and dignity and purpose in the latter years of their lives.
And then there is the palliative care movement which most people associate with Hospice, but I have learned that even hospitals have palliative care units as well. Most people are scared to death of palliative care because the automatic thought is okay, I'm there to die. I had one friend who refused to visit her grandmother in a Hospice facility because she was too scared of encountering a "house of death". Wow. I totally see it differently than my friend. I see it as a place where you can go, have your own independent bedroom and live out your final days on your own terms. A place where you don't have to continue suffering the side effects of chemo or radiation treatments, but you can enjoy whatever time you have left on your own terms and without pain. My father opted for in-house Hospice during his final days of life and I found it much more peaceful than the Intensive Care Unit of the hospital.
Finally, what I liked about this book is that Dr. Gawande speaks about the "hard conversations"we all need to have with our doctors, ourselves, and our closest loved ones. And it appeared that he learned how to broach these hard conversations with patients via a palliative care nurse who was well-trained in helping families sit down and talk about what matters to a person at the very end of life. It may not all be resolved or determined in a single conversation; it may take several conversations. Essentially, as a doctor or palliative care nurse you ask the terminal patient ( with family present) the following questions:
1) What do you understand is your diagnosis and what is happening to your body?
2) What are your greatest fears in the coming days?
3) What would be your goals for your life should your condition continue to deteriorate? Do you want to keep treatment going until the time of death? Do you want to be intubated if necessary and placed on a ventilator? Do you wish to continue to have more surgeries or radiation?
4) What would you be willing to sacrifice to keep on living? One woman realized her father wanted to keep on living only if he could continue to eat chocolate ice cream and watch sports on television. She was most shocked because she thought he would not be willing to endure leg paralysis which was a possible side effect of the difficult surgery he was to decide upon; however, he told her that even if both legs were paralyzed and he was assured he could still eat chocolate ice cream and watch sports on television, he was willing to go ahead and proceed with the surgery.
I guess the most important points I took away from reading this book included: have I thought about my own mortality? Have I thought about a terminal diagnosis and what treatments, if any, would I wish to endure and for how long? Would I want to be kept alive on a ventilator and feeding tube? What kind of resuscitation efforts would I want from doctors,nurses, and hospital staff if my heart suddenly stopped beating? And then I remembered that I had also completed a task that so many folks avoid and live in denial about: I had completed a living will; I had completed who I want as my healthcare power of attorney; I have had an attorney draw up a will for me; and I have had the hard conversation with my loved ones about what my wishes are when I do take my last breath. And that somehow gives me a sense of relief; a sense that I will have steered the boat to its final docking point; and that my loved ones will not have to sit and lament what I would want for myself in my final months, days, and hours. I guess the other important point I took away from this book is: have you and your loved ones thought about what you want for yourselves when you are in the home stretch of this marathon we call life? And it's one hell of an important and thought provoking inquiry. The worst thing a person can do is avoid the thought of mortality and communicating what they think to their loved ones. I can tell you that that produces a gut-wrenching and traumatic situation for loved ones and it's not a pretty place in which to find yourself.
Yes, I would highly recommend this book. It gives you a lot to think about and makes you think consider what gives meaning to your life, what's important to you in your final moments of life, and have you sat and discussed these important decisions with your own family and loved ones.
Best,
Grace
(Amy)
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