Dear Lit Loves,
Greetings! I'm still reading The Mad Woman In The Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones by Sandra Tsing Loh so I am unable to give it a thumbs up or thumbs down yet. I have read Every Patient Tells A Story by Dr. Lisa Sanders, an internist at Yale Medical School. Excellent book. I sent her an email about my reaction to the book and she kindly responded to it.
Now, I just ran across a blog or periodical post from a contributing editor who makes some seriously adverse and judgmental assumptions about the women who she sees wearing a Lilly Pulitzer dress. Well, I happen to be a fan of Lilly Pulitzer so I decided to post this contributing editor's assumptions and then respond to them. Here We Go:
Contributing Editor at Digital Magazine Files Blog Post Making The Following Assumptions About Women Who Wear Lilly Pulitzer. My feedback to her statements is/are in Italics:
1) You belong to a country club. Hell no, I don't belong to a country club. I might sign up for a Fight Club, Book Club; or Rebel Southern Ladies Club. I might decide to live in a country club. It depends on if I get published and if I like the house and acreage.
2) You have dated a Lacrosse player. Say What?!!! No, I've been known to snag a Frenchman and date a few delirious male souls, but no I can't say I have ever encountered a Lacrosse player I would date. I married an Electrical Engineer with a Ph.D. I liked him as he is as smart as I am.
3) You know how to tie a scarf. Well, yes I do. I used to wear them around my neck and tucked into my pant suits when I was a public and private school teacher. Now I just wear them as bandannas around my head when I exercise. I also tie a scarf to my purse. You never know when you might need to use one as a tissue or turn it into a tourniquet to stop profuse bleeding. Heck, with enough scarves tied together, I could make them into a parachute and potentially jump safely from a small plane.
4) You can name all the Ivy League Schools without having to google them. Maybe. I really feel like asking most students and graduates of Ivy League colleges if they feel good about overpaying for their education and having massive student loans. I also ask them did they feel privileged to attend an Ivy League School and ask if they consider themselves arrogant. Can you tell I attended a state college?!
5) Your dress would be great on a small child. Damn straight some of them would. I like little people occasionally. Not the obnoxious, bratty ones. I like adults who haven't lost their inner child-like spirit. I'm in touch with my child-like spirit, how about you?
6) There's another pair of shoes in your bag. What?! No, there's another pair of shoes in my car in case I need them when I wash my Mustang or if someone tries to attack me and I can use a pair of stilettos to defend myself. The only other things in my bag might be meds, a Tazor, and a red lipstick.
7) You might be drunk and you like an umbrella in your smoothie with five or six shots of rum. Girl please. I can't drink because I take a boat-load of medications and I don't need alcohol to swing from the rafters, okay?!
8) You are really fun. Well, hell yeah. I would wear my Lilly Pulitzer to a professional wrestling match or to a Floyd Mayweather fight. You've got to sport some style, honey. And trust me, I know fun like no other person or soul.
9) You know how to French braid hair. Um, no. I like short hair and pixie cuts, preferably flaming red. I have a sincere dislike for long hair as most of the time long hair can look like a bird's nest.
10) You have a list of baby names. Baby Names?!!! Hell, I don't even have children. They generally give me a migraine. And I really like my independence darling.
11) You own a Tiffany necklace. You got it in ninth grade with a velvet box. Girlfriend, I do not own a Tiffany necklace. I spent the summer of my ninth grade year working on a tobacco farm and attending professional wrestling matches. I do like a bit of semi-precious stones and accompanying hardware though. Personally, I really like the jewelry designer, LeVian.
12) You say your favorite movie is Amelie. You are kidding, right? My favorite movie is Erin Brochavich (spelling?). I like women who stand up to big business and know how to kick legal ass.
13) Your favorite movie is Fast and Furious. You like fast cars and man feelings. Oh, for the love of Jesus. I like Vin Diesel. I like my vintage cherry red Mustang. I like the Mach sound system in my Mustang so I can crank it up and listen to the Rolling Stones. And "man feelings"? Well, isn't that a form of stereotyping? I choose to not participate in that portion of your list of assumptions. Sorry.
14) You have been watching a lot of House Hunters. No. I don't have time, dearest. I don't need to watch any show to discover what I like in houses. I just do a simple crayon home layout, find a contractor and get him to build it according to the specifications. Then I decorate, relax and sit outside on the patio with a lemonade and the latest memoir by a non-famous person.
15) Your Instagram makes your relatives feel like butt. Wow, such language. No, I hate Instagram and Twitter as I think they are self-aggrandizing. And, please leave my relatives out of this dialogue. Are we clear? They are my problem and I know how to best deal with them.
16) You are into the dessert zeitgeist. What?! Does this mean I adhere to Paula Dean and Martha Stewart recipes? What are you saying, child? I like chocolate and peanut butter ice cream pie. Who has time to make dessert? I just call my favorite baker and stir up business for him by ordering a fancy-dancy cake. I support small, local businesses.
17) You love Taylor Swift's brother more than you love Taylor Swift. I googled Taylor Swift's brother as I have no idea what he looks like. I think he needs to be about twenty years older, more mature, and lose the scruffy face. And no girlfriend, I do not listen to Taylor Swift. Presently, I am listening to AC/DC, but YOU may have to google them to understand what band that is. Personally, my favorite song is "Back In Black".
18) You have a standing appointment for a Kate Middleton blow-out. No, No and just Hell to the No! I like my pixie cut and my brother is my bad-ass hair designer. You should try him. He works wonders, let me tell you. Honestly, I keep telling him he should add "magician" to his business card.
19) You have a porcelain box of baby teeth. Now girlfriend, I am telling you that is just nasty. And I will not be caught dead with baby teeth; however, I really did like the tooth fairy. She was quite generous compared to what my classmates received for their baby teeth.
20) You feel superior to people who like Versace, but you would never say it. Girl, Donatella Versace rocks. Really, you shouldn't indirectly try and insult her or me like that. That is just a serious form of rude behavior. Total shame. And I have never been one to keep my opinions to myself as my family and friends can tell you.
21) You have a Pandora bracelet and it is filled to capacity. Um, no. I wear a Swiss watch. And I am known to carry a cross and recite Hail Marys when I come across hospitals, obnoxious people, bad drivers, chauvanistic men and most medical personnel. And no, I don't like charms on a bracelet or in a breakfast cereal. My brother did remind me that most of my rings could potentially be used as weapons so I will add that observation.
Wow. Wasn't that something Lit Loves?! I mean, you know I HAD to respond to this contributing editor's list regarding women who wear Lilly Pulitzer dresses. I'm hoping she learned a few things by my responses, like stop trying to make assumptions about someone just from how they dress. Be prepared for people to surprise the crap out of you. Get to know someone before you make potentially erroneous statements about them. Some of us are just rebels wearing Lilly Pulitzer, okay? It's not illegal or anything. It's tricky, yes, but man is it ever a load of fun to confuse the hell out of people! Now, I've got to get back to reading and over the weekend I've got to go find this Lilly dress I've been dying to score. Ya'll have fun, keep reading and have one damn colorful summer, okay?!!
Truly,
Grace
(Amy)
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