My Top Five Rules Regarding The Query Process and Literary Agents

Dear Literary Loves,

Oh my, my!  It's been a dastardly week here in the deep south.  The heat and humidity are driving people to rage against anyone: note the driver who passed me in the median while I was in the left lane.  The Braves are on one major losing streak.  And why oh why are people making bomb threats against Emory Hospital for taking in the Ebola patients from Nigeria?!! 

And then I checked Querytracker.com this morning as all new writers should be doing just to keep up with literary agents and what they are accepting and rejecting.  I did not expect to find writers making some really common errors in relation to their prospects as potential debut authors.  Lord. Have. Mercy.  I've decided to post my top five rules regarding the query process and literary agents.  For those of you who have no idea what the query process is allow me to introduce you:  It's when you construct a one page letter introducing your manuscript to a literary agent and grab their attention by the throat until they are screaming "I Must Sign This Writer Now!"  Comprende?!

Let's Begin.

1)  For heaven's sake, do not query a literary agent until you have researched what genres they represent!  This does not mean only one reference site because websites can be seriously outdated.  Check Google for the books they have represented over the last five to ten years.  Check the literary agent's personal website or blog.  Do check the literary agency website where the agent works.  Honestly, I read a lot of interviews with literary agents to get an idea of their likes/dislikes.  Let me tell you there is one agent who went off on a vile tangent in reply to one writer's query because he/she DOES NOT accept queries for the memoir genre and it's written in capital letters on her agency's website. Do your homework lovies!

2) If you query a literary agent and they turn down your query, don't get all huffy puffy about it.  There's more than one fish in the sea as my dad says so move on to query the next literary agent.  It's that simple really.  DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT reply to a query rejection with a nasty reply.  You do not want to burn bridges.  It's a small business and it could come back to haunt you.  Now, if one of your formerly favorite authors disses you as a new writer and you decide to go find the nearest trash barrel and burn all her/his books or donate the books, you have my complete sympathy. 

3)  Let's be polite and professional folks.  If you have met a literary agent at a conference and you didn't exactly become BFFs or you have knowledge of their office decor and it's lacking in your estimation, DO NOT post this on a query site, your blog, or anywhere else publishing folks and writers lurk.  Guess what folks?  The literary agents and their assistants read some of the same sites!

4)  Get the query right.  Honestly, it is hard to summarize a two hundred and fifty page manuscript in one paragraph, but give them what they want folks.  You've got to sell the manuscript in one paragraph.  And for heaven's sake, do not just rely on your computer's spell checker when editing your query.  Give it to other people and see what they find.  Better yet, after they read your query, ask them what your book is about and why a literary agent could potentially market it to a publisher.  If they can't answer those questions, the literary agent probably won't be able to either. 

5)  Remember it's all subjective.  Some folks just don't connect with a book that shares five points of view while telling a story.  Some people will scream if they come across one more book containing a vampire or werewolf.  And some folks will say they cannot connect with your main character even if the main character is you as is the case in memoir.  It's just personal preference.  I like Tuesdays With Morrie and you like Divergent so we'll be on opposite sides of Barnes and Noble.  You like to read on a tablet and I like the old school printed version; it all just boils down to personal taste. 

Now, I'm off to break for lunch, contemplate my next query targets, and reach out to some editors.  And BIG CONGRATS to my stylist brother on getting to cut and style the hair for Gavin DeGraw and his band; you really rocked it backstage bro! 

Later Lit Lovies,
Grace