Review: Nowhere Near Normal: A Memoir of OCD by Traci Foust

Dear Lit Loves,

Greetings from snowy Morrisville, North Carolina!  The weather forecasters totally missed the call on this winter storm so we're all snowed in and making the best of the situation.  Recently, in between attempting a long wait to hear back from literary agents and editors, I decided to read the memoir Nowhere Near Normal:  A Memoir of OCD by Traci Foust.  Now, this book proved interesting to me because I once had an active case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder myself; however, my case was definitely not as overwhelming as Ms. Foust's experience.  Initially, the author chronicles the development of her first knowledge that something is wrong with her from age seven.  She begins the book living with an intact family of mom, dad, brother, sister, and Traci.  You see her exceptionally focused on not cross-contaminating deli meats in the fridge.  Next, you see that she begins thinking certain numbers should not be located beside or next to other numbers or something very bad is going to happen.  Her mother and father separate and she along with her older brother and sister go live in various rentals across California.  She has difficulty making friends.  Her mother is constantly pestering her about acting crazy and causing trouble.  For example, she locks a friend in her mother's hot car one afternoon and leaves the scene. This appeals to her and she finds it funny which to me demonstrates the disordered thinking that accompanies a diagnosis of OCD.    The older sister eventually marries her boyfriend and moves out of the house which leaves Traci at home with her brother and a mom who appears to have a boyfriend, a chain smoking problem, and overuse of prescription controlled substances. 

Dad does come and get Traci for visits, but these are few and far between.  Essentially, he's late with child support payments and can't wait to be able to take his kids off his health insurance.  In my opinion, Traci's mom takes out much of her anger and frustration with her ex-husband on Traci.  Next, we see Traci excessively worried about getting up in the middle of the night and hurting someone in her family so she hides all the kitchen knives.  Additionally, she is afraid if she doesn't check all the locks in the house at night then it will be her fault if someone breaks into their home and kills everyone in her family.  This goes along with the catastrophic thinking associated with OCD.  The reader also begins seeing the repetitive movements associated with OCD when Traci feels she must lick the window locks in the home so many times at night and also unplug all the appliances in the house.  At the mid point of the book we learn that her great-grandmother on her mother's side of the family had some sort of major psychiatric illness and it led to her demise.  Traci constantly asks her grandmother to tell her about the great-grandmother.  None of this shocked me because I'm well aware that OCD can run in families. 

Eventually, Traci does acquire a boyfriend; however, her grades go to hell in a hand-basket.  Her grandmother has just opened a retirement home for seniors near where Traci's family lives.  Traci's mom essentially kicks Traci out and the dad and brother move Traci to live in the assisted living center that her grandmother owns.  She finds herself almost like an indentured servant at the place and never truly gets a room of her own.  She does see several counselors during the course of the book and begins to learn quite a bit about OCD.  Eventually, she runs away from home or the assisted living facility and goes to Santa Cruz having no real plan of how to live there.  She does call a woman with whom she used to work who comes to pick her up and allows her to stay for a couple of weeks.  Traci then gets hooked up with some rather shady characters involved in illicit drugs and pornography.  Fortunately, she does escape this scene only after breaking into a local laundry mat and getting busted by the police and her mom.

Eventually, Traci's brother leaves home to join the military and the mom becomes a religious zealot.  The mom holds prayer and religious vigils at the assisted living center as well.  Traci slowly watches her mom essentially check out of life.......she no longer has a boyfriend, her kids are no longer at home, she no longer works, etc.  Traci drops out of school, but then takes Independent Study classes toward getting her GED.  The grandmother decides to sell the retirement center and the mom dies due to fluid on the lungs two days following Christmas.  This leaves Traci with nowhere to go.  Since her sister now manages an run-down apartment complex in the ghetto, that's where Traci eventually finds herself living.  In the midst of all this she does see a psychiatrist who has her taking medication for OCD, journaling, and attending group counseling sessions with other OCD afflicted individuals.

Traci's old boyfriend becomes an artist and Traci's life has fallen completely apart.  She often experiences panic attacks whereby she must keep a paper bag near her so she will not hyperventilate.  It's an excruciating process to watch what happens to this girl.  Eventually, following surgery, Traci's grandmother moves in with her, but then several months later, the grandmother abruptly leaves to make a life for herself in Palm Springs.  This gives Traci the incentive to leave her situation.  She packs up her apartment.  She takes a suitcase and a duffel bag to the airport and flies to Germany where her old boyfriend named Goat is on tour as an artist.  What happens next is basically summed up by the author saying she went on to college, got married, has four sons, and realizes that OCD is something that ebbs and flows in a person's life.  Sometimes it's more active than others.  I think that whenever an OCD patient's life circumstances become chaotic, you will see OCD flare because it's the person's way of maintaining some sense of control.

One thing is for sure:  people with OCD have an underlying almost crippling anxiety disorder.  Generally, most people with OCD that I've met also have someone in their family with a psychiatric disorder.  I've seen no one defeat or overcome OCD without the help of medication; however, I'm sure there are those who have.  I think most patients additionally require cognitive-behavior therapy.

This was a difficult read for me.  I didn't read it all in one sitting.  There were parts that were so disturbing to me that I could only read one chapter before I had to put the book down and go do something else.  Did reading the book elicit any OCD tendencies in me?  No.  It did remind me of the period in my life when I had active OCD; however, mine was more repetitive movements and checking.  The repetitive motion/behavior bring some sort of peace and solace to a person with OCD.  That may be hard to believe, but it certainly is true.  There does come a point in every person who successfully deals with OCD where he/she decides, I'm taking control of my life and behavior.  I will live with this disease and keep it in check.  I will do whatever is necessary to contain my anxiety.  That's how I successfully dealt with OCD. 

Next up on the reading list is a memoir about a physical therapist's experience working with military veterans at Walter Reed Medical Center.  Until my next review...........

Stay warm,
Grace